August and Everything After
by Darling Pretty
Summary: A quiet suburban street in Seattle. No hint that anything might go wrong or that anyone might be hiding something. Addison/Alex, Meredith/Derek, Izzie/Mark, Cristina/OC, Callie/OC.
1. Perfect Blue Buildings

**Yay for a new story that I shouldn't be starting! I'm sorry, but this is my favorite thing I'm currently writing, and I wanted to hear some thoughts. This is the prologue. And it's new for me, because it's not going to be focused on Addison and Alex, though, of course, they will be a major part of the story. It's going to focus on the women, so it's a bit more ensemble than I usually do.**

**This is me basically ripping off the concept of Desperate Housewives. I know exactly where this story is going, and I kind of envision it as a realistic Desperate Housewives (aka no murders, because I really don't want to have to plan all that out). I don't intend on carbon copying any of the plots from Desperate Housewives, but I have a feeling similarities will run rampant in some areas.**

**Since I'm already copying Desperate Housewives, I'm going to steal their way of naming episodes/chapters. But instead of Sondheim lyrics/song titles, everything (including the title) is a song or lyric by the Counting Crows.**

**Couples are as follows: Addison and Alex, Meredith and Derek, Izzie and Mark, Cristina and someone, and Callie and someone.**

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives, and I don't own the Counting Crows.**

* * *

A quiet suburban street in Seattle. No hint that anything might go wrong or that anyone might be hiding something. Let's meet the residents, shall we? Pay attention to the women in particular, we'll be seeing a lot more of them.

We'll pass the Shepherd's residence first. Everyone knows the story. Girl with mommy issues meets boy with secret past in a bar and end up having the one night stand that isn't remotely close to a one night stand. It's the beginning of something, something that is clearly headed in one direction. Anyways, after many, many ups and downs, they eventually got married. Five years, four children, and a fifth on the way. Poor Meredith is about to be overwhelmed, but Derek is just _so _great with the kids… Anyways, moving on.

Next door to the Shepherds, we'll find Mark Sloan and his fiancée Izzie Stevens. If there has ever been a couple that spelled out trouble more, I'll eat my hat. Two affairs between the two of them, although, to their credit, not during _their _relationship. No children, but people are just waiting for the day it happens. Well, children or a break up. He's a bit of a womanizer and she's not exactly Little Miss Virgin either. If the neighborhood can't wonder about children, then their impending doom as a couple is the next best thing.

If we go across the street and just a couple of houses down, we'll run into the Karev residence. As far as couples go, they were the biggest surprise to everyone. Addison had swooped into Seattle from New York, married to Derek Shepherd (yes, _that _Derek Shepherd), ready to beg for forgiveness for an affair with Mark Sloan (yes, _that _Mark Sloan), and had managed to wreak havoc just about everywhere, including within herself. Alex had recognized a kindred (read: wounded) spirit in her, and they became friendly. And friendlier. Until finally one very drunken night after her divorce and, boom! Emma Karev. Not exactly planned, but so loved by her mother. Addison had hidden her pregnancy from Alex as long as she possibly could, sure he wouldn't want a child to deal with. Truth be told, he hadn't. But he had stepped up, refusing to be a repeat of his father. Slowly and surely, love had blossomed, and they had gotten married before Emma was three. She's now six.

If we continue down the street and make a couple turns, we'll find the apartment where Cristina Yang lives. There's not much to say about Cristina, except the woman does her job, and the woman does her job well. She's Meredith's person, but they don't see each other much now that Meredith has turned into a baby factory.

Callie Torres lives in the same apartment complex. She's Emma's godmother and Addison's best friend. For awhile, she lived with Cristina, before she got her own apartment.

All in all, a picture perfect neighborhood. Just looking at them, you'd never know that Meredith Shepherd is terrified that Derek Shepherd is doing the exact same thing that caused Addison Karev to do desperate things. You'd never know that Izzie Stevens is thinking of running away, anywhere will do. You'd never know that Addison Karev is desperately discontented with her life. You'd never know that Cristina Yang sometimes goes home and wishes there were someone there. You'd never know that Callie Torres has a secret girlfriend.

Don't be taken in by my friends' smiles.

* * *

**Okay, so more explanation. I'm not including Owen or Arizona for Cristina and Callie. I'm not comfortable writing them because I haven't watched Grey's this season at all. So Cristina and Callie get new characters made up by yours truly.**

**I don't intend on posting any more of this story until I finish one of my others, but a substantial amount of reviews can be quite convincing.**

**-Juli-**


	2. On Almost Any Sunday Morning

**Okay, so I know I said I wasn't going to be posting any more of this until I got something else finished? Well, see, there's this thing called writers' block, and I have this really selective case that means this is all I'm writing. And so I thought that I would post a little more, just to see if I can gather up a little more, um, support. Wow, I'm desperate.**

**Speaking of, I don't own Grey's Anatomy, the Counting Crows, Desperate Housewives, or anything I may mention in any upcoming chapters.**

* * *

Meredith, Addison, Izzie, Callie, and Cristina (hereafter known as "the group") meet once a week at Izzie Steven's bakery for coffee and pastries whipped up by none other than Izzie Stevens herself. Of course, they have to meet on Sundays because of scheduling conflicts. Cristina is never home from the hospital before nine, Addison is off at three, and Callie is busy climbing her way up the corporate ladder, working to all hours. Meredith is the only one who could possibly stop in during the week, and even that's impossible with four children under the age of six.

The point is that the group meets on Sundays at Izzie's bakery to discuss their lives. Callie always has a good story to tell about a pompous businessman. Addison always has an adorable story about something one of her third graders said. Cristina always has to be forcibly forbidden to explain the details of one of her many surgeries and Meredith usually has some question to ask about her children or her marriage.

"Vanna's going to be fine," Addison reassures Meredith. "It's just a phase. Emma went through a phase where she would only eat green foods. Just be happy you haven't had to resort to putting food coloring in scrambled eggs to get her some protein!"

Everybody laughs when they remember Emma's odd food choice.

"What? What I miss?" Izzie asks, sliding into the booth.

"Just mom talk," Cristina rolls her eyes. She's never very interested in this part of the conversation.

"How's the wedding going?" Callie says, deftly changing the subject before Addison and Meredith can get offended.

"I swear, sometimes I think it would just be easier to fly to Vegas and get it over with," Izzie sighs. "There's just… it's a lot, you know?"

"It would be a lot easier," Addison agrees, "But is that really how you want to remember your wedding day?"

"No," Izzie admits. "But is it really worth my sanity?"

"Think about it, Iz," Meredith insists. "Think about how worth it everything will be when you're walking down the aisle with everybody you love watching you. It'll be worth it then, trust me."

"Mer's right," Addison agrees. "Just keep your eyes on the prize. I could come over after school a couple of days a week and help, if you want."

"Could you?" Izzie breathes. "That would be the single kindest thing anybody has ever done for me. I will worship you if you do, Addison Karev."

"Genuflection is unnecessary," Addison laughs. "I'll be by on Tuesday, okay?"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Izzie exclaims. She sees a customer waving at her and rolls her eyes. "Be right back."

"Bold," Callie comments when Izzie gets up.

"What?" Addison asks, seeing that her remaining three friends are staring her.

"Izzie? Plus wedding? Are you sure you want to take that on?" Callie asks.

"She's our friend," Addison insists. "And I'm done teaching at three. I'm a third grade teacher; I don't exactly have papers to grade. And Emma's almost always over at Kara Tyler's, so she's never home before six, and Alex doesn't get home from the hospital before then. My house is empty. Why wouldn't I help Izzie with her wedding?"

"But have you thought about everything?" Meredith asks.

Addison frowns. "What are you talking about?"

The three women look at each other. "Mark," Cristina blurts out. "Izzie's getting married to Mark."

"Yeah? So?"

"Can you handle that? I mean, you guys are… you and Mark," Meredith says.

"I talk to Mark all the time," Addison replies.

"Yeah, but it's always at like parties and things," Callie points out. "Now it's just going to be you, Izzie, and Mark. All alone in one house."

"It'll be fine." Addison turns to Cristina. "Cristina Yang, wipe that threesome smirk off your face right now."

"Ew," Meredith groans. "Didn't need that visual, thanks."

"Why, Mer?" Cristina teases. "I'd think you'd need it more than any of us. You even getting any anymore?"

Meredith gestures to her six months pregnant stomach. "Not exactly sexy. Plus, we're just both really tired right now, so…"

"Meredith, is he ignoring you?" Addison's head snaps towards her friend. She looks ready to ride into battle in defense of her friend.

"No! Nothing like that," Meredith insists. "He's just been busy at the hospital, and by the time he gets home, the kids have managed to completely exhaust me. It's just a rough patch. It'll get better."

Addison bites her tongue so she doesn't snap that, if you replace kids with work, Meredith has just managed to spew her mantra from the last two years of her marriage to the same man. "If he _ever _starts to…" Addison threatens instead.

"You'll be the first person that I'll call to help me bury the body," Meredith replies.

That satisfies Addison for the time being, but she's convinced there's something Meredith isn't telling her. The two women smile at each other vacantly.

* * *

**I hope you like it enough to drop me a line. I'm rather slavishly writing it, so it would be nice to know that my precious hours of sleep are worth something somewhere.**

**-Juli-**


	3. Taffy Stuck and Tongue Tied

**And finally, we start getting to the end of the set up! Isn't that exciting? I think it's exciting.**

**I don't own anything.**

* * *

Addison sighs as she opens the front door. "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Emma calls from the kitchen. "Come look and see! Daddy and I are making pancakes!"

She sighs again and heads for the kitchen, steeling herself for the sight she's about to see. When Emma was four, the sight of her covered in flour and sticky with syrup while Alex grinned sheepishly was adorable. Now all Addison can see is the mess that she's going to get stuck cleaning up. "Pancakes for dinner, Emma-belle?" she asks, pasting a fake smile on her face. "That's what your daddy's feeding you?"

Alex grins sheepishly at her. "The kid wanted pancakes. I tried to stop her, but she started pulling things out of the pantry. And then I couldn't say no."

"Why don't you go play with the Shepherds, Emma-belle," Addison suggests. "Daddy and I will finish up making the pancakes."

"Okay, Mommy," she agrees immediately and skips outdoors.

Addison turns on her husband and quirks an eyebrow. "Pancakes? Really?"

"You saw her face. Like you would have done anything differently."

"And who, can I ask, is going to clean up the mess you two managed to make in my kitchen?" she snaps.

"Relax, Adds, I'll do it. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah. Right," she mumbles under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"I said I'll clean it up. Don't worry about it."

"It's not just the mess, Alex!" she explains. "You spoil her rotten! Have you ever _once _said no to her? Because I don't think you have! I'm the one who gets stuck saying no and then she hates me. And you just keep saying yes! I'm sick and tired of it! Learn to say the damn word already. She's six years old, she can freaking handle it!"

He looks shocked that she's yelling at him. Then the shock fades and anger takes its place. "Where the hell is this coming from, Addison?"

"I don't know," she says, closing her eyes. "I'm just tired. Never mind."

"No. You started this, now finish it. Why are you suddenly yelling about me not saying no to Emma?"

'I don't know. I'm tired. Ignore me."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Addison!"

"Fine, you want to know what's wrong? What's wrong is that I'm exhausted, I just volunteered to help Izzie plan her wedding to the man who freaking broke up my marriage, I never see my daughter anymore because she's always at friends' houses, Derek's doing the exact same thing to Meredith that he did to me, and half the time I can't even remember why we got married! That's what's wrong!"

Quietly, he repeats, "You don't remember why we got married?"

She feels ridiculous for getting so worked up now. "Never mind. I'm sorry I said that. I shouldn't have. Just forget I did."

"No, Addison, we need to talk."

She sighs and starts to walk away. "I'm taking a shower. You said you'd clean up."

"Addison, don't walk away from me! We need to talk!" he snaps.

"I don't want to talk about it!" she screams, whirling around. "Don't you know when to just shut the hell up?"

They stare at each other for a dead silent second, and then his lips are attacking hers, and he's hoisting her up onto the flour-strewn counter, already pushing her skirt hem up towards her waist.

0ooo0

Meredith takes a deep breath before she opens the door to her house. Immediately the sounds of screaming overtake her. She lets out the breath and heads inside. "Why are you yelling?" she yells, heading towards the sound.

"Mason won't let me play!" Savannah, age five and Mason's twin, wails. "He took all the Legos and now he won't share!"

"Mason! You need to share with Savannah _now_!" Meredith snaps. "Derek, where are you?"

"Den," he calls back.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Lucy, age three, yells, clinging onto her leg.

"Hey, Lucy," she sighs, plastering a fake smile on her face. "Sweetie, I need you to let go of my leg. I have to go castrate your daddy."

"Castrate?" Lucy repeats in her sweet toddler voice.

"Never mind. I'll tell you later." She pats her daughter's head and pries her off her leg. She then heads into the den. Derek is there, as he said, watching television, trying to convince Logan to go to sleep. On seeing her, he kisses her cheek and hands Logan off to her.

"How was Izzie's?" Derek asks, returning his focus to the game on television.

"Fine," Meredith answers. Logan quickly falls asleep in her arms and she smoothes the wavy dark hair all her children have, setting him down in his crib. Then she takes her place on the sofa next to her husband. "Addison's helping Izzie plan the wedding."

"That's nice."

"I would help, but with Logan, and then Lucy comes home at noon, it's just too hard. What time do you go into the hospital tomorrow?"

"I have a surgery at eight, so I have to leave at seven."

Meredith frowns when she realizes he'll be leaving right as she wakes up. "I feel like I never see you anymore," she complains. "You're never home."

"I'm home right now," he points out.

"That's not what I meant. Can you turn off the freaking television for two minutes? Maybe we can talk? Remember that thing we used to do?"

He grins cheekily. "Depends on what thing you're talking about."

She rolls her eyes. "Derek, I'm being serious. So could you please try to take me seriously?"

He kisses her. "I always take you seriously, Mer."

"Mommy!" Lucy howls.

Meredith tries not to think about how bone tired she is as she pushes herself off the couch. "I want to talk, Derek Shepherd. You do have to talk to me, I'm your wife."

0ooo0

Cristina glances around her apartment. Okay, so it's a bit of a mess. But she knows where everything is, and that's what's important.

Her apartment is filled with crap. It's far from empty. But still it doesn't feel _full._

She turns on her stereo and starts to blast her iPod. She smiles. There. Home.

0ooo0

The phone rings as Callie walks in the door. She sighs and hurries to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Hey! How'd the big, serious friend meeting go?"

"Hey, Shay. It was good. Fun."

"So, I was thinking," Shay says slowly. "Maybe I could… join you next time."

Callie starts laughing nervously. "I, hmm, um, don't take this personally, but no."

"Why not?" Callie can picture her blue eyes narrow.

"I don't mean that in any bad way," she quickly backtracks. "It's not even about you. It's just… my friends are… not exactly, um, well… I just don't want you to be disappointed."

"You haven't told them about me, have you?" Shay sighs.

"Guilty," Callie winces.

"Callie!"

"I know, I'm sorry! It's just we don't talk all that often and people are always talking! I'll tell them. I will! I'm just waiting for… the moment."

"The moment?"

"You know, the perfect moment to tell them."

"I don't think you're going to find that one, Cal. Sorry."

"I know," she sighs. "But a girl can hope, can't she?"

"Just introduce me as a friend! I've heard so much about them, Cal, I just want to meet them! See faces, hear voices. Is that so wrong?"

"It would be weird," Callie says apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"You're lucky I like you so much, Calliope Torres."

"Oh, don't use the first name," Callie groans.

"Introduce me to your friends, Calliope Torres." She's trying not to burst out laughing.

"No."

"Stop being stubborn, Calliope Torres."

"Stop calling me Calliope or I'm hanging up."

"Fine," she gives in. "But I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do. And I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll make sure you do."

0ooo0

"How'd it go today?" he asks, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Not tonight, Mark," she replies with a small smile, extricating herself from his grasp. "I'm bone dead tired."

"Bone dead tired?" he laughs.

She glares at him playfully. "When you've been on your feet for twelve hours without a break, listening to customer complaints, then, and only then, are you allowed to make fun of my vocabulary."

He nods gravely. "No making fun of the fact that you're completely losing your mind. Got it."

"Mark Sloan!" Izzie gasps. "I really hope you want to sleep alone tonight!"

"Izzie," he groans, tugging her close.

"Nope, mister, you dug your grave, now you can lie in it."

"I'm, like, ninety-nine percent certain that's not the saying."

"Keep going. Really."

"Oh please," he scoffs. "You love me."

"It's the only reason I haven't knocked you upside the head yet," she grins. Then she knocks him upside the head.

"I don't have a problem with you abusing me, Mrs. Sloan," he smirks.

"I'm not Mrs. Sloan yet. Tread carefully," she laughs.

* * *

**So there you go. I'm really excited now that we're heading into the juicy bits! I hope you are too. (Kate, I know you are! ;) )**

**-Juli-**


	4. Films About Ghosts

**I don't really have much to say, but I hope you enjoy this chapter and I don't own anything.**

Addison knocks tentatively on the door. Despite the confident front she puts on in front of her friends, she's not one hundred percent certain she can pull this off. Not now that she's actually faced with the prospect of being alone with Mark Sloan.

Thankfully, Izzie pulls open the door. "Hey, Addie, come on in," she smiles.

"Thanks." They enter the living room. "Is Mark here?" she inquires.

"Nah. He rarely makes it home before five."

"Oh. Okay." Addison breathes a sigh of relief.

Izzie studies her friend with a frown. "Are you okay?"

Addison considers her options. She doesn't want to admit to marital problems, but doesn't screaming at your husband then having sex on the kitchen counter constitute marital problems? And Izzie is one of her best friends. If she were going to admit marital problems to anyone, it would be her. "Alex and I had angry sex on Sunday."

"Hot," Izzie grins.

"No, not hot," Addison replies. "Distinctly not hot."

"Liar."

"Okay," she admits. "The sex itself was hot. Really hot. Really, really hot."

"Okay!"Izzie jumps in. "Let's not relive the angry sex in my living room please!"

Addison blushes bright red. Izzie decides to throw her a life preserver. "So the angry sex was hot and…?"

"And nothing," Addison sighs. "We've barely spoken since then."

"Why?"

Addison doesn't want to answer that question. She's not sure she _can _answer that question. So instead, she asks," Did I ever tell you about the first time Alex said he loved me?"

Izzie shakes her head...

"_You don't have to stay," Addison whispers, smoothing their sleeping little girl's hair affectionately._

"_It's not a problem."_

_They're still a little awkward around each other. They've been friends for nearly four years now, but dating for not even a quarter of one of those years. They stare at their daughter. "Thank you," Addison says quietly._

"_For what?"_

"_For sticking around. I thought I could do it alone, and I don't think I could. Not well, anyway."_

"_You're a great mom, Addison."_

_She shakes her head with a bitter laugh. He's surprised when tears start rolling down her cheeks. He recovers quickly and leads her out of Emma's room, sitting her down on the couch. He pulls her close and lets her soak his shirt with tears._

"_I thought about getting rid of her," Addison admits in little more than a whisper._

"_What?" he asks._

"_When I found out I was pregnant. I thought about getting an abortion."_

"_Why?" he asks, barely breathing._

"_Because I didn't want a baby alone. Because we weren't talking and I didn't want to ruin both our lives. Because I thought that's what you would want me to do."_

_He catches her eye and holds contact, even though it means that he has to grip her chin softly so she won't look away. "I never would have…"_

"_You say that now," she interrupts. "But would you two years ago?"_

"_Addison, listen to me. Emma is the best that has ever happened to me and I knew that from the day you told me you were pregnant. Yeah, I was scared out of my mind, but I never would have wanted you to do something like that."_

_Addison studies the carpet. "I almost made the appointment," she admits quietly, ignoring his statement. "I had the phone in my hand and everything."_

"_So what happened?"_

"_You don't remember?" she asks, a little surprised, her eyes sliding up to meet his. "You called me. I picked up on the first ring and you made fun of me for sitting by the phone."_

_He does remember that. He remembers the tremor in her voice when he announced that it was him, and he remembers that she stayed silent while he told her that he didn't think one stupid mistake should ruin their whole lives. He remember that she almost said something, but then swallowed whatever it was and agreed with him. "Jesus, Addison, why didn't you say something?"_

"_I didn't need to. When you called, trying to make everything up to me, I knew you'd never ask me to do something like that. I knew that you're one of the good guys."_

_They sit in silence for an eternity, until he breaks it. "For what it's worth," he says, clearing his throat. "I'm glad you didn't make that appointment."_

"_Me too."_

"_I wasn't done, Addison." There's a slightly angry edge in his voice. "You should have told me about Emma sooner. You should have let me be there for you. You should have let me help you. Because," he hesitates, "because I love you and I would have done anything you asked."_

_She inhales sharply. "Don't say that," she commands. "Don't say things you don't mean."_

"The first time he says I love you and I tell him not to!" Addison says, tears starting to glisten in her eyes.

"It _was _kind of out of nowhere," Izzie admits graciously.

"No, it wasn't. I knew he was going to say it, and I knew he wasn't lying. But I didn't want to hear it then. I may as well have just told him that I didn't love him." She sighs. "It feels like that again."

"What do you mean? Do you not love him anymore?" Addison stays silent. "Addison, do you love him?" Izzie demands.

She's silent for a good long time, searching. "Sometimes," she answers hesitantly. "Maybe."

"You love him sometimes maybe?" Izzie asks skeptically.

"I don't know," she sighs. "I don't know anything anymore."

"What the hell does "sometimes maybe" mean?"

Addison looks up, and this time her eyes really are filled with tears. "I still love him. I just don't know that I want to."

0ooo0

Meredith breathes a sigh of relief. The twins won't be home from school for another two hours and Lucy and Logan are napping. Her husband is at work (_big _surprise there). She sits down on the couch and pulls out the book she's slowly been making her way through for the past three months. She's almost managed to finish it, but now she can't concentrate…

_She can't even begin to start thinking. Because if she thinks, then she's probably going to scream, or cry, or faint. So instead of thinking about the fact that she's sitting in her bathroom waiting for two minutes for the sixth time, she tries to think about anything else._

_Izzie admitting that she likes Mark. That was weird. After all, it is Mark Sloan, manwhore extraordinaire. He doesn't seem like the most stable person to fall for. Then again, she supposes, neither was Derek Shepherd, the man in the bar with the secret life and the secret wife._

_The secret wife who's bringing her daughter home from the hospital today. Oh, that's ironic. She's finding out she's pregnant on the day her husband's ex-wife is bringing her baby home from the hospital._

_There's the thinking! No thinking!_

_Alex and Addison would make an adorable couple, she decides. And Emma… well, Emma is just beautiful. She looks just like her mom, except prettier because her dad is mixed in._

_Any baby of Derek Shepherd's is sure to have great hair._

_No thinking. No thinking._

_Even Cristina thinks Emma is beautiful. She said so. Of course, she was drunk, but drunken words speak sober thoughts. Meredith is really glad that she felt too sick to do any drinking._

_And those gorgeous blue eyes._

_No thinking._

_They've only been married for a couple months. How is she supposed to do this? How are they supposed to be Derek and Meredith when there's another person? It's not like they can be Derek and Meredith, plus one. That doesn't make sense._

_Alex and Addison are making it work and they're not even together. In love (Izzie's sure of that). But not together. They're making it work._

"_Meredith, are you okay?" Derek asks, banging on the bathroom._

_Meredith looks over at the counter. "Derek, I'm going to say something, and I need you to not freak out, okay? Because if you freak out, then I'll freak out, and I'm trying really hard here not to freak out."_

"_Mer?"_

_She sighs. "I'm pregnant, Derek."_

She smiles, thinking about how ecstatic he was. How, when her OB had told them they were having twins, he dragged her to buy _two _cribs, even though she was still in shock and very much freaking out. How when she had a meltdown and flashed back to her own childhood, he held her hand and got everybody to come over to distract her. How he made Addison let her hold Emma (and at the time, Addison rarely gave up her loving embrace of her daughter to anyone but Alex), how Emma had smiled at her, and how Addison had said she was a natural with kids. How Addison had promised to help her whenever she had a problem. How Derek had ignored all the snide remarks she made as she got bigger and more uncomfortable. How he had done the exact same thing when she was pregnant with Lucy and even Logan.

Then she frowns as she thinks about how she told him about all four of her children through that same bathroom door. That's not what makes her frown though. What makes her frown is the fact that five months ago, she had to _call _her husband at the hospital to inform him. She doesn't even have time for a freak out now.

**I keep writing this when I'm in a bad mood. I wish that would explain the depressing nature. Well, I hope you enjoyed it, depressing nature and all. But I'll never know unless you press that actually rather large button and drop me a line!**

**-Juli-**


	5. Time and Time Again

**I'm in a rush, so I'll just say that I hope you like it and I don't own anything.**

**Oh, and please don't hate me.**

* * *

Time waits for no man (or woman, for that matter). The future quickly turns into present as the present becomes the past and the distant future becomes near. Three months quickly overtake our friends in suburbia. And, just as everyone says, nothing ever changes in suburbia. Meredith is still pregnant, her husband is angling at chief of surgery and she has yet to find a way to scream that it will ruin their family. Izzie and Mark's wedding draws near, and (much to the neighborhood's disappointment) no children or breakups in the foreseeable future. The floor of Addison and Alex's home seems to have been replaced by eggshells. Cristina still spends as much time as possible at the hospital. Callie still hasn't told anyone about Shay.

"There's no way. No freaking way," Izzie rants. "Mark Sloan, how could you possibly forget the freaking eggs? I specifically called you five minutes before you got in the car and asked you to pick up eggs on the way home. I actually said the words, "Mark Sloan, don't forget to pick up eggs on your way home". And what do you do?"

"I forget the eggs," he answers. He's long since learned to just ride these tirades out.

"You forget the eggs," she confirms. "I tell you Addison's having a hard time and I want to bake her cookies but we're out of eggs. I ask you to get the eggs and you _forget the eggs_! I am so mad I can hardly see straight!"

He frowns. "I'm sensing this isn't about the eggs."

"Of course it's about the eggs!"

"Izzie," he sighs.

"Addison's freaking out," she admits. "And Addison freaking out means that I freak out."

"Okay," he says patiently. "What is Addison freaking out about?"

"If Addison and Alex can't make it work, how are we supposed to? They have a kid, Mark! A kid and they're having trouble! I don't want to end up like that! I don't want to end up not knowing if I love you!"

"Wait, who doesn't know if they love who?"

"Addison. Alex. Try to keep up!"

"They're having problems?"

"Did I not _just _say that?" Izzie scoffs. "Are you deaf?"

"Sorry. I just didn't know."

Izzie sighs. "I know. The only reason I know is because Addison keeps freaking out to me. So I'm making her cookies. Actually, right now, I'm off to the store so I can get eggs so I can make cookies."

0ooo0

"How was Izzie's?" he asks carefully. Carefully is how they've been doing everything lately.

"It was fine. Good." Careful.

"That's good."

"Yeah."

"Okay, are we going to talk about this or do I have to keep tripping over the elephant in the corner?" The elephant involved is another explosion and angry sex episode. In three months, these episodes have decreased, and that's not necessarily a good thing.

"What is there to talk about?" she asks, setting a pot of water to boil. She'll do just about anything to avoid having this conversation. "I don't have anything to say."

"Really? That's how we're doing this?"

She sighs. "I don't want to talk, okay? I was tired then, I'm tired now, and I don't feel like talking."

"Big surprise there," he grumbles under his breath.

Her head snaps to face him. "What was that?" she frowns.

"Nothing."

"No, you wanted to talk, let's talk. What did you say?" She turns her whole body to face him, leaning against the counter, crossing her arms and ignoring dinner.

"Okay, fine. I said you never want to talk. I said you barely look at me and the only time you say more than three words to me is when Emma's in the room. You won't even fight anymore. And from everything you've said about your last marriage, Derek did the exact same thing to you. I don't know, maybe you _want _to end up divorced. But I'm sick of it."

Silence. She lowers her head to study the floor.

"Addison-"

She holds up a hand and blinks back tears. "Please don't talk to me," she whispers. "I need a minute to process the fact that you think I want our marriage to fail. Don't talk to me."

"I didn't mean that."

She grimaces sardonically. "Yes, you did. If there's one thing I know about you, Alex, it's that you don't say things you don't mean."

"Addison-"

"I'm going for a walk," she interrupts him. "Emma should be home in ten minutes."

"Don't walk away from this, Addison! Don't walk away from me." He grabs her elbow.

She yanks out of his grasp and swallows the lump in her throat. "I'm not dealing with you right now. I'm walking away because I don't want to end up doing something I regret."

"You're going to have to deal with me at some point."

"Right now, I'm going for a walk and you're not."

She grabs her coat and runs out of the house before he can answer.

Her feet take her on the very familiar path to the Sloan-Stevens residence. Without thinking, she rings the doorbell. She's gotten so used to Izzie opening the door; she's startled to find herself face to face with Mark Sloan.

"Addison? Are you okay?"

"Is Izzie here?" she asks.

"She's at the store. Do you want to come in and wait?"

Addison swallows, but nods her consent. He opens the door for her and leads her into the living room. He's nice enough to pretend that he doesn't see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

0ooo0

She has to do it at some point. She will have to tell her husband that she's less than enthusiastic about his candidacy for chief. Actually, truth be told, she's less than enthusiastic about his behavior in general. She doesn't want to alienate him, but is it too much to ask that he actually show up for dinner every couple of months? Of course, she's exaggerating, but it doesn't feel like it.

"Hey, Derek, can I talk to you?" she asks. It's nine and all the kids are in bed.

"Yeah, sure," he replies, looking up from his newspaper.

"About this chief thing?"

"Yeah?"

"I know how much it means to you. But…"

"But what?"

"You're not home as it is!" she blurts out. "I miss you. The kids miss you. And it's only going to get worse if you're Chief."

"Meredith-"

"I'm serious, Derek. You come home for like five hours and then go back to work. Savannah and Mason both had to come home from school sick a week ago, but did you know that? No. You were in surgery at the time and then, by the time you got home, Lucy was screaming and Logan was running around and I didn't have time to tell you. If you take that job, you are going to miss Lucy's first day of kindergarten, and you're going to miss Logan's first tooth, and Vanna and Mason's school plays. And I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with any of that. I want you home. I want you to know what your daughter's favorite color is. I want you to know what Mason got on his art project. I want you to know these things. Damn it!"

"Mer, I-"

"Derek, that wasn't an "I want you to know these things" damn it, that was a "my water just broke" damn it."

He looks ridiculously shocked, as if he had forgotten that it has been eight, almost nine, months. "You're in labor?"'

"Go get the goddamn car."

0ooo0

Coffee. All she needs is coffee. Stupid Starbucks line moving so slowly. Normally Cristina wouldn't deal with Starbucks, but today calls for real, overpriced coffee. Plus, she may be attempting to avoid Bailey who has been riding her ass all day for pissing off the nurses.

She orders her coffee and gets in the _second _line to wait. "Victor?" the barista calls out. The man from in front of her grabs his coffee.

She snorts. Victor? There's a name you don't hear very often. "Something funny?" he asks.

"Oh, uh, no," she stumbles.

"You're laughing."

"Victor?"

"Do I know you?"

"No, I don't. I just… Victor? Your name is Victor?"

"Yeah. So?"

"How many times did that get you beat up on the playground?"

"Oh, so you're making fun of my name? I'm sure yours is so much better."

"Cristina?" the barista calls. Cristina smirks and grabs her coffee.

"Okay, so I stand corrected," Victor laughs. "Victor Spencer. Attorney."

"Cristina Yang. Cardiothoracic surgeon. Wait, Victor Spencer, as in the Burton Spencer firm?"

"You've heard about us then?"

"Not really," she shrugs. "You defended a friend of my mine at the hospital. Derek Shepherd."

"Derek. I remember. An easy case. But then, most are."

Cristina rolls her eyes at his arrogance. "I have to get back to work."

"I'll see you soon," he promises.

She laughs. "You wish,"

0ooo0

Callie takes a sip of wine and stretches out on the couch. Watching _Singin' In The Rain _with Shay and making popcorn sounds like the perfect way to spend tonight. She groans when her buzzer rings. "Yeah?" she answers.

"It's Addison."

"Callie, you coming?" Shay calls.

"Hold on," Callie calls back. "Addison, come on up," she sighs.

Two minute later, there's a knock at the door. Callie pulls it open. She frowns when she looks closely at her friend. "What's wrong?"

"Callie, what's taking so- oh, hello," Shay says.

Addison raises an eyebrow. "Hello."

"Addison, this is Shay. Shay, Addison."

"Are you guys, like, busy or whatever?" Addison asks, suddenly feeling very stupid, and very third-wheel-ish. "I can go."

"Addison, you look like you want to die. What's wrong? Shay, can you give us a second?"

"Sure."

Callie drags Addison into the bedroom. "Spill. What's wrong?"

Suddenly, all the pain that Callie saw when she first opened the door floods Addison's face. She's silent for a really long moment, studying the room, and then she finally meets Callie's eyes. "I did something really stupid, Cal."

* * *

**Remember that thing I said about not hating me?**

**Well, even if you do hate me, I would love to hear all about it in a review. :)**

**-Juli-**


	6. Angels of the Silences

**First off, can I just say a major thank you for all the reviews? I hope you all continue to enjoy reading as much as I love writing it.**

**I don't own anything.**

* * *

You will find that there is really very little that Callie hates more than a vague statement. And you will find that when Addison is upset she tends to speak _only _in vague statements. It makes for an interesting combination.

"What did you do?" Callie sighs.

"It was stupid. I didn't mean to," Addison says, not even registering Callie's words.

Callie rolls her eyes and goes to the door. "Shay, better just start the movie. This is going to take a really long time," she calls.

"Is everything okay?" Shay calls back.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. It might take awhile."

When Callie turns around, Addison is biting her nails and some of her cuticles are already starting to bleed. Callie grabs her hands and yanks them down. "Addison, you're making me nervous. Just tell me what happened."

"Izzie's going to hate me," she moans. "And she has every right to. God! I am so _stupid_!"

"What's going on? What happened?!"

"I didn't mean to," Addison insists, "I swear, I didn't mean to."

"Didn't mean to do what?!"

"_Addison, are you okay?" Mark asks, sitting down next to her on the couch. She nods subtly and he frowns."You want to tell me the truth this time?"_

"_It was never this hard," she says. He's confused by her disjointed statement, but he knows she'll explain herself if he doesn't interrupt. "With Derek, with you. It was never this hard."_

"_Hard?"_

"_I love him. I do," she says. Mark assumes she's talking about Alex. "I think. Maybe. Sometimes."_

"_Maybe sometimes?"_

_She looks up and meets his eyes. She licks her lip in preparation to say the one fear she's never voiced aloud. "What if… What if I only love him because of Emma?"_

_He studies her face. "Wait, you think you only love your husband because you have a daughter? That's ridiculous, Addison."_

"_Is it? I never know how I'm feeling with him. I love him, but, God, I just hate him sometimes. And when I hate him, the only thing keeping me from walking out the door is Emma."_

"_That's not true," he insists._

"_But what if it is? What if I fell in love with him because of Emma and now I'm only staying because of her?"_

"_Addison, I know you and that's not how you work. Besides, you guys didn't get married until she was like three. Are you really telling me that it took Emma three years to work her magic?"_

_Addison sighs. "I just want things to be easy again. Everything used to be easy."_

"_Things weren't easy before, Addie. They were just less complicated."_

"_Well, I want things to be less complicated. I want to know that I'm _in_ love with my husband for real. I want to know that we're not together because we have Emma. I want to know that _he_ loves _me_ for real. I just want things to be like they used to."_

"_You should go," he says. "Alex is going to be worried."_

_She smiles sadly, "I don't know that I care. But thank you anyways." She hugs him, closing her eyes and pretending that it's Alex's arms holding her, that everything will be fine. Instead of separating, she's surprised to feel her lips brush against his, Almost possessed, she places her hand on his cheek._

_And then she realizes what she's doing and yanks back. "That shouldn't have happened," she blurts out, springing up from the couch. "I'm sorry. That, uh, sorry. That shouldn't have happened."_

_She practically trips over three tables on her way out. She runs back to her house and gets in the car, when she's inside, she whisper, "I am so, so sorry." She's not sure who she's talking to._

"You kissed Mark?!" Callie screeches.

"I didn't kiss him, we kissed each other!"

"Oh, like _that's _any better, Addison! You're helping to plan his freaking wedding! To Izzie! He's in love with Izzie. And you're in love with Alex."

"Oh my God, Alex," Addison exclaims. "How am I going to tell him? This is going to kill him, Callie!"

Callie swallows. She's aware that she's about to give some really, really bad advice, but it's the only thing she can think of and Addison is going to get herself committed if she keeps freaking out at this level. "Did it mean anything?" she asks.

Addison stops freaking out long enough to ask, "What?"

"Did it mean anything? Are you planning on doing it again? Did you sleep with him?"

"Of course not!"

"Have you told anyone else?"

"No," Addison says hesitantly. "I came straight here."

"It was a onetime thing? It's never, ever happening again? You want to stay married to Alex?"

"Yes!" It's the most certain response she's given since she started feeling unhappy.

Callie sighs. "So why does he need to know?"

"What?"

"If it's never happening again and if knowing is only going to hurt him, maybe it's better that he just not know."

"But… he's my husband. I should… I tell him everything, Callie." Then she thinks about that statement. "Or, at least, I used to."

"I don't know, maybe you should."

"It'll ruin my marriage if I do."

"Then maybe you shouldn't."

"You're not being helpful."

"I can't tell you what to do. But, honestly, I think your marriage has enough issues as it is."

"So I should just keep it a secret?" Addison asks.

"Look at it this way. You can either take the misery on yourself and just make sure to make it up to him, or you can tell him and you can both be miserable."

Addison nods. She doesn't want to talk about this anymore. "So who's the movie chick?" she asks to change the subject.

"Um, that's Shay."

"Um, I sense a bit of hesitation," Addison replies teasingly. "Who is she?"

Callie bites her lip. "She's kind of…" She hesitates.

"Cal, it's me. Just me."

"My girlfriend."

"Say what?" Addison blurts. "You have a girlfriend? Since _when_?!"

"Since, um, six months ago," Callie winces.

"Calliope Torres!"

"Why does everybody call me that when they're mad at me?!"

"I am so close to not speaking to you right now! Six months, Callie? Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I want to meet her."

"You might want to go check your makeup first. Your mascara's running."

Addison makes a face and hurries to the bathroom to clean her face. When she returns, Callie looks resigned. Addison gives her a small smile and raises an eyebrow. Callie sighs and pushes the door to the living room open.

"Shay, this is Addison," Callie says quickly.

Shay looks away from the television. "Hi," she smiles.

"Hi," Addison replies.

"It's so nice to finally meet you. Callie's told me so much about you, I feel like I know you already!"

"Oh, she has, has she?' Addison asks, glaring at Callie.

"Ooh, that's right," Shay remembers. "You didn't know about me. Let the record show that was Callie's idea."

"Shay!" Callie exclaims. "Way to throw me under the bus!"

"Sweetie, you did that all by yourself," Shay jokes.

"Lying secret keeper," Addison laughs.

"Dirty whore," Callie retorts with a smile. Addison loses her smile. "Too soon?"

"I should go," Addison says.

"Addison, I didn't mean that."

"I know. But I should go anyway."

"Don't feel like you have to go because Callie is trying to eat her foot," Shay says. "I mean, I don't know what's going on, but don't feel like you have to go."

"It's not that," Addison assures Shay. "I have to get home. I need to be home in time to put my daughter to sleep."

"Oh. Emma, right?"

Addison turns to glare at Callie. "She knows my daughter's name and you didn't even tell us she _exists_?"

"Okay, not the smartest of moves, but can I just say that you're not exactly in a position to talk about intelligent moves?"

"I'm going to go now," Addison says, swallowing all responses she might have.

"Addison," Callie sighs.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Addison promises with a feeble smile. "But thanks for your help. I mean that."

0ooo0

Lisbeth Kathleen Shepherd. Meredith traces her baby's face, gently touching the button nose and ghosting over the giant, sleeping eyes. Her nose, Derek's eyes. The mop on the top of her head is definitely Derek's.

"Hey, Mer," Izzie whispers as she enters the room.

Meredith looks up. "Hi, Izzie."

"Is this her? What's her name? She's beautiful!" Izzie rambles.

"No, this is the _other_ kid that popped out of her uterus," Cristina snaps from the corner.

"Hey, I've done that before," Meredith points out. "Let's not mention the process of delivering twins ever again. It's a time I'd prefer not to go back to."

"Deal," Izzie smiles. "So what's her name?"

"Lisbeth Kathleen," Meredith recites proudly.

"She's absolutely gorgeous," Izzie grins.

"None of your other kids were this cute right off the bat," Cristina comments.

"Cristina!" Izzie exclaims.

Cristina shrugs. "What? It's true. The other ones had to grow on you first."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe that's not something you say in front of their mother?"

Meredith listens to her friends bicker but isn't exactly paying attention. She's a little preoccupied with Lisbeth.

"Hi," Addison says, poking her head through the door. Meredith thinks she might be hallucinating, but she swears that Addison hesitates when she sees Izzie, but pushes past it and puts a smile on her face. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Meredith says.

"Oh, Meredith, she's beautiful," Addison says. "What did you and Derek decide to name her?"

"Lisbeth."

"Pretty," Addison smiles. She looks around the room and her eyes narrow. "Where is Derek, anyway?"

Meredith laughs slightly at the attack dog look Addison has on her face. "Addison, relax. He's dropping Vanna and Mason off at school and bringing Lucy and Logan here. If you're going to stick around, you'll see him."

Addison relaxes a little. "Okay."

"Don't you have work?" Cristina accuses her.

"Yeah," Addison sighs. "I was just stopping in on my way. I should probably go now."

"I should too," Izzie says. "I'll go with you."

"Oh, um, okay," Addison agrees.

Meredith frowns as they leave the room. "Did that seem weird to you?" she asks Cristina.

"Did what?" Cristina asks, checking her beeping pager. "Mer, I have to go. But I'll be back later."

0ooo0

It's a long, awkward walk out to the parking lot for Addison. Izzie is babbling on about Lisbeth and Meredith and Derek, and Addison is content to let the woman talk. She bites her lip as they reach Izzie's car.

"I'll see you later?" Izzie asks.

"Hm?"

"We have to choose flowers, remember?"

"Oh," Addison says. "Right."

"Are you okay?" Izzie frowns. "You're acting weird."

"No, I'm just… it's been a weird week."

"Oh, want to talk about it?" she offers.

Addison jumps. "Oh, no. It's fine. Everything's fine. It's just been weird. No worries." She laughs nervously.

"Okay, if you're sure." Izzie is hesitant to accept Addison's jumpy explanation, but she doesn't push it. "I'll see you tonight."

Addison nods and watches Izzie drive off. Her phone beeps, informing her she has a text message. She frowns when she sees it's from Mark.

You still at the hospital? We should talk.

She bites her lip and thinks about her limited options.

I'm in front of the hospital. I have 5 minutes.

He shows up in less than two of her precious minutes. She waits for him to speak.

"Look, about yesterday," he starts hesitantly.

She holds up a hand. "It never happened," she interrupts. "It was a huge mistake and it's not happening again, so it never happened."

"Okay, but Addison-"

"No, Mark. You're in love with Izzie and I'm married to Alex and I'm helping to plan your freaking wedding, for God's sake. I haven't told anyone, and I don't plan on doing so. It never happened."

"I'm fine with that. But that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say that Alex wants to see you before you go."

"Oh."

He starts to head back inside. She follows him. Before they part ways, he says, "He really loves you, Addison."

The look on his face says he thinks that will help. She gives him a weak smile that says he's only managed to complicate things further and walks away.

She finds her husband quickly. "Hey," she says quietly.

He looks up from the chart he's reading. "Hey. You okay?"

"Am I okay?" she asks nervously. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"It's not like we talked after last night."

"Oh. Yeah. Alex, look-"

"We were both stupid," he cuts her off.

"No, Alex, listen to me," she insists. "I needed to hear that. I know I haven't exactly been… present lately. I've just… I've been having a hard time lately. I don't know. I just…"

'Addison, it's okay," he comforts her when she struggles to find a way to end her explanation.

"No, it's not!" she exclaims. Then she sighs. "I do love you. I need you to remember that when I'm being like this."

"I know that, Adds," he says. It's the first time he's called her by anything but Addison in months.

She smiles. "Good. And I'm sorry for everything. I know that doesn't solve everything, but I don't want to get divorced. I promise you that."

"So what caused this turnaround?" he asks.

She studies everything but his face. "You'd be surprised by what can happen in twelve hours."

* * *

**I know, I know, bad choices galore... But look at it this way: she didn't sleep with Mark! Yeah, I didn't think that was too helpful either. As much as some people might dislike me right now, I would really appreciate reviews!**

**-Juli-**


	7. Good Time

**Okay, I realize that this is short. And I realize that it's been awhile. But I have been _so _ridiculously busy. Plus, I wanted to do one chapter that was just most pure fluff and this is all the fluff I have at the moment. So enjoy the fluff while it lasts.**

"Mommy!"Lucy screams. They've just said goodbye to Izzie, who had volunteered to stay with Lucy and Logan while Vanna and Mason were at school and they brought Lisbeth home.

Derek intercepts the running toddler. "Luce, we've got to be quiet, okay? Mommy and the new baby need quiet."

"Remember Lisbeth?" Meredith smiles, kneeling to show off the baby, "She's your new little sister."

"Liz," Lucy repeats.

"You put Liz down and I'll get the twins from school?" Derek says. "Logan and Lucy can come with me, if you want some time."

"Sounds good," Meredith smiles. He's been perfect ever since Lisbeth was born. An absolute angel. He's taking the week off to help with the kids and around the house. She smiles as she watches him hoist Lucy onto his shoulders.

This is why she loves him. This is why she puts up with the screaming and fighting. This is why she hasn't run. This is why she's happy.

But in the back of her mind, there's just one niggling thought: How long is this going to last?

0ooo0

Cristina isn't having the best day. Of her four scheduled surgeries today, one patient coded before actually getting into the OR and another died on the table. So a good day clearly isn't in the cards. She stalks through the cafeteria, looking for a table, and does a double take. Is that…? No, it couldn't be. But yep, it is.

Victor catches her eye and raises a coffee cup in a smug salute. She rolls her eyes and strides over to his table. "What are you doing here?' she snaps.

He laughs. "Wow. Don't they teach you something called bedside manner here?"

"Are you a patient? How did you even find me?"

"Okay, not everything in the world revolves around the great Cristina Yang."

She's a little weirded out by the fact that he remembered her full name. "Really; how did you find me?"

"You gave me your full name and occupation, plus a case I worked for your coworker. I'm an attorney. We do keep records."

"Are you stalking me?"

"Why would I stalk you?"

"I don't know. Because you're a weird, psycho stalker who uses your profession to your weird stalker advantage?"

He laughs again. Irritating man. She's never liked it when people laugh at her. "I'm not stalking you."

"You used your creepy files on McDreamy to track down where I work. That qualifies as stalking."

"McDreamy?"

"Never mind. Not important. What's important is the fact that you're stalking me. What do you want?"

He takes a confident sip of his coffee. Even the way he sips coffee is annoying. "Sit down. Look, I brought coffee. Admittedly, I didn't know what kind to get you, but, then again, I'm not a stalker."

She glares and continues to stand, but accepts the coffee. "You have three minutes to tell me what you want or I kick your ass to the curb. So what do you want?"

"A date," he says simply.

"No," she replies instantly.

"Why not? I'm single, attractive, rich. Most people would call me a catch."

"Most people would also stop breathing if that chick from Twilight decided it was uncool. Forgive me if I don't trust most people. Or that chick from Twilight."

"I don't trust Kristin Stewart either. See? We're compatible."

"The fact that you know that is weird. And I don't date," she retorts.

He gathers up his stuff, but it's not as if he's giving up. It's actually more of a declaration of war than a surrender or retreat. "This isn't over, Cristina Yang," he proclaims. "You're going to find that I'm not easy to get rid of."

Cristina laughs in his face, turns on her heel, and walks away.

0ooo0

"Mommy?" Emma asks, the tone in her voice blatantly begging for something. It's Saturday, Addison is sitting in the living room, reading. Alex is sitting on the couch, watching television.

Addison looks up warily. "Yes?" she replies in the same tone.

"Can we go to the park?"

Addison is a little surprised; usually that tone of voice begs for a cookie or a new toy. She looks over at Alex who gives no protest. "Okay," she agrees. "Let's all go."

The family gets ready quickly and walks to the park. Emma is turned loose on the playground and makes a break for the slide. Alex and Addison sit on a bench to watch her. He drapes his arm on the back of the bench, around her shoulders. She stiffens for one second, not sure whether to accept this peace offering, but then closes her eyes and leans in. They don't say anything and it's the first time they've sat in a peaceful silence in weeks.

After awhile, Emma runs over. The quiet is shattered, but that's okay. "Nobody wants to play tag with me," she announces. "Do you want to play?"

She looks to her father for an answer. Alex shrugs. "Yeah, okay," he agrees. They both look at Addison and she agrees too.

Running in circles, away from her daughter and husband, she's happier than she's been in months. "Tag, you're it!" Emma cries, tapping her leg.

Addison laughs and chases after her daughter, scooping her up and tickling her mercilessly. Emma shrieks with laughter as Alex joins in. Finally, they let up. "We're playing tag," Emma says, sending them both reproachful looks.

"Sorry," they apologize.

Emma nods. "Mommy, you're still it," she pronounces. Then she runs off, making sure that she won't become it.

Addison watches and is surprised to find tears springing to her eyes. "You okay?" Alex asks.

She nods. "I… She's growing up, Alex. I just… I want to hold onto today, right now, forever."

He helps her to her feet. "She's not going to stop growing up," he points out. "It's going to happen."

"I know," she sighs. She looks up suddenly. "I love you."

She slips her arms around his neck and kisses him, careful to keep it G-rated. "By the way?" she whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Tag, you're it!" She's off and running before he can process what just happened.

**Like I said, enjoy the fluff while it lasts. And, hey, reviews are always appreciated!**

**-Juli-**


	8. Never Quite As Close

**And there goes the fluff... Oh boy.**

**By the way, I own absolutely nothing.**

Izzie nervously surveys the lists of florists, of dress shops, of caters, of locations. The hundred of papers feel like they're going to rise up and swallow her whole. It's her first time getting married, but she's pretty sure that you're not supposed to feel like the best option is to smash one of the vases you're supposed to be choosing against your head. The thought of dress shopping shouldn't make you feel sick.

Addison has been a godsend, keeping her rising panic in check. But Addison has been jumpy lately. She makes excuses to avoid coming over and Izzie's freaking out. Mark has been really great about putting up with her minor meltdowns, but she's not sure how much longer that's going to last. She can see him getting more and more annoyed at her, and she guesses that he has good reason. But still, it doesn't help.

Without Addison to ground her, Izzie becomes flighty. She starts to think about places to go. Miami, Alaska, Disneyland. Maybe even home to see her mother. Most days it's just a little joke she has with herself, but now she's started to actually consider where she might go.

And finally, she snaps. Her little joke is no longer a little joke. Is it dumb? Yes. Is it impulsive? Yes. But, God, she just needs to get away, to clear her head. The world is moving too quickly around her, and she can't fight for her place in it anymore. She just needs out.

So she packs a bag, leaves a note, and disappears.

0ooo0

Addison is just getting ready to start dinner when the doorbell rings. She shakes off an ominous feeling and goes to answer it.

"Mark?"

"Have you seen Izzie?" he asks nervously.

"What?"

"Izzie. Is she here?"

"No," Addison answers warily. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Here ." He shoves a scrap of paper towards Addison.

_Mark-_

_I'm sorry. I just can't do this right now. I need to clear my head and think. Please don't look for me. You're not going to find me anyways._

_Izzie_

"Oh my God," Addison breathes.

"Her clothes are gone, Addie," he says, a slight catch in his voice.

"Mark, I am so sorry." She doesn't know what else to say. She wraps her arms around him; maybe not the smartest move, but he needs it right now.

"Why would she go?" he asks.

"Did you guys have a fight or something?"

"No! Everything was fine! And then I just came home and she was gone. Where would she go? Addie, did she say anything to you?"

"No, Mark, I'm sorry. I haven't really talked to her since… well, you know."

"She has the bakery. She can't just up and leave!"

"Mark, you need to calm down. Getting worked up doesn't solve anything."

"Sorry."

"I know this sucks, Mark. It does. And I'm sorry I have to say this, but maybe you should start thinking about the idea that she doesn't want to be found. Just give her a little space; let her breathe."

"What if she doesn't come back?"

Addison takes a deep breath. "Marriage is a huge step. We all freak out in different ways. When I got married to Derek, I was so nervous that I threw up in the bathroom right before I had to get into my dress. And I nearly had a heart attack when I got married to Alex, my heart was beating so fast. My point is that Izzie's freaking out, and that means she has to run. She loves you. She'll come back."

"But what if she doesn't?" he insists.

"Then you move on as best you can," she shrugs. They've moved so they're sitting on the steps to her porch. "It'll be okay, Mark." She touches his hand lightly and tries to comfort him to the best of her ability.

0ooo0

"Wait, so she just… disappeared?" Meredith asks, cradling the phone to her ear as she rocks Lisbeth.

"Mommy?" Savannah tugs on her shirt.

"Hold on," she says to Addison. Then she turns to her daughter."Yes?"

"Can Mason and I go play with Emma?"

"Is it alright if Mason and Vanna come and play with Emma?" Meredith inquires.

"Yeah, sure," Addison replies absentmindedly.

"Go ahead," Meredith answers to Vanna. She skips off. "So what's Mark going to do?"

"I don't know," Addison sighs. "I think right now he's still in shock. He's trying to find her."

'Well, isn't that what you would do?"

"I know, but I just think that if she doesn't want to be found, we're not going to find her."

"We?" Meredith asks skeptically.

"Hold on, your kids are here." Meredith hears her open the door and greet Mason and Savannah. There's a pause while Addison tells them where to find Emma. "Hi, I'm back. Sorry."

"No problem. You were about to tell me what you meant by we."

Addison sighs. "I may or may not have agreed to help Mark search."

"Aren't you the one who told him that she'll come back so he should just give her space?"

"I know, but he's just so… Mark. I couldn't say no."

"What's Alex think about it?"

"Alex is pissed off with everything. He's mad at Izzie and Mark, he's mad himself, and he's mad at me. Like it's my fault Izzie ran out. The only person he's not mad at is Emma."

"Why's he so mad?"

Addison sighs in frustration. "I don't know. For once in our marriage, he's the one freezing me out."

"That doesn't make sense," Meredith frowns.

"Believe me, I know. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were having an affair," Addison giggles nervously. What little laughter she has quickly subsides. Uncertainly, she asks, "You don't think…?" She doesn't want to voice the possibility out loud. Not seriously.

"No," Meredith comforts her immediately. "Don't be ridiculous. Alex loves you."

Addison's thoughts are far away as she replies, "I sincerely hope you're right."

0ooo0

The group, minus Izzie, meets for dinner on Saturday night. It doesn't feel right to go out on Sunday and Izzie's bakery is closed anyways, so they make time to go out Saturday night. There might as well be an empty seat at the table they feel Izzie's absence so strongly.

Dinner is quiet and uneventful. They brainstorm where Izzie might have gone, they voice hopes that she'll return, and they wonder what life will be like if she doesn't. For four people who usually talk about anything from politics to the latest video making the rounds on the internet, they're conversation is particularly narrow.

Then finally, because Cristina is getting sick of talking about Izzie, she announces, "Derek's still thinking about becoming Chief."

Callie and Addison turn towards Meredith, looking concerned. Meredith doesn't feel like dealing with it so she says, "Remember that guy who represented Derek awhile ago in that lawsuit? Derek says he keeps bringing Cristina coffee."

Callie and Addison both turn to face Cristina now. "Callie never comes home anymore," Cristina announces to get out of the spotlight.

"That's because Callie has a girlfriend," Addison replies, taking a bite of food. Now Cristina and Meredith stare at Callie.

Callie glares at her so-called friend. "What?' Addison says innocently. "You're practically living together. It's time to tell your best friends."

"Addison kissed Mark."

Dead silence. Addison knows there's absolutely nothing she can say to get out of this one. She swallows as Meredith and Cristina try to process.

"What the hell?" Cristina finally asks.

"I didn't kiss him… exactly. It just happened. I-I didn't mean to. It didn't mean anything. It's just that Alex and I got in a huge fight and Mark was there and I know that's not an excuse, but I just needed to know that… that…"

"That what? That you didn't still want Mark?" Cristina asks, disgusted.

"No!" Addison insists. "I was confused and Mark was there and he wasn't yelling at me or trying to make me talk. He was just… there. So we kissed once and I ran and we avoid each other now."

"Oh my God," Meredith breathes. "Wait, did you tell Izzie? Is that why she's gone?"

"No!" Addison cries. "I didn't tell Izzie. I didn't tell anybody but Callie. Nobody knew because it's never going to happen again. Ever. It made me realize that I needed to stop working on Izzie's wedding and start concentrating on my marriage."

"What do you mean?" Meredith asks.

Addison sighs and brings her hands to cover her eyes. "I think… my marriage is falling apart. There I said it."

"Addison!" they all exclaim. Callie and Meredith both grab her hands.

"What do you mean?" Cristina asks.

Addison shakes her head. "Either I'm mad for no good reason or he's mad for no good reason, and even when we're not mad and everything seems perfect, there's always just this little thought in the back of my mind that we're only together because of Emma. Like, if she hadn't come into the picture, we wouldn't even like each other right now."

She looks up with tears in her eyes and is surprised to find that they comfort her, even after knowing of her stupid betrayal.

It only makes her feel worse.

0ooo0

Izzie knows that what she's doing is bad. She knows that she's hurting a lot of people this way. But she just needs to think and this is how she needs to do it.

Sighing, she knocks on the trailer door in front of her. She shifts nervously from foot to foot until it opens. "Hi, Mama," she says as her self-control breaks down and she starts to cry.

**Well, this should be interesting. I can't wait to find out what happens. Hopefully we're on the same page. (Roughly translated, that is a request to review.)**

**-Juli-**


	9. Is Everybody Happy Now?

**Urgh, sorry it's been so long. I've been a very busy bee. Please don't hate me!**

**I still don't own anything.**

* * *

"Isobel?" her mother asks in disbelief. "What's the matter, love?"

Izzie sniffs. "No one's called me Isobel in years, Mama."

"I'm your mother; I've earned the right to call you whatever I want. Don't try to change the subject, Isobel Stevens. I know all your little tricks; I taught them to you."

"Can I- can I stay here for a couple days? I need to do some thinking."

"It'll be tight, but I'm sure we can find some room," her mother agrees. "Now tell me, love, what's been happening? I haven't seen you for four years."

Izzie hesitates, looking around the room. Nothing has changed since her last visit four years ago. "I have my bakery," she says slowly. "It's doing really well."

"That's wonderful and I'm proud of you, but you didn't come here to think about your bakery."

Izzie studies a picture of herself when she was five. "I'm engaged. Was engaged. Am. Was. I don't know. Does running away without warning mean I'm not engaged?"

"You're engaged? And you didn't call to tell me? Were you even going to invite me to the wedding? Or are you just that ashamed of your trailer trash mama?"

"Mom, stop it! Of course not. That's not it at all. I kept trying to call but I lost my nerve. And now I'm not even sure that there's going to be a wedding, so it doesn't matter."

"What? Why?"

"It's complicated.'

"Isobel Stevens, I gave you life, the very least you can do is give me a straight answer."

Izzie sighs. "He's perfect. His name is Mark and he's this hotshot plastic surgeon. He never has a bad hair day. And he's smart and funny and sexy. He's perfect."

"I'm not hearing a reason for calling off a wedding."

"He doesn't know anything about me. He thinks he does, but he doesn't."

"Meaning?"

"He doesn't know about Hannah. He doesn't know I modeled my way through college. He doesn't even know that I grew up in a trailer park. How am I supposed to get married to somebody who doesn't know all of that?"

"You tell him?"

"I can't tell him! What are you, crazy?"

"No. If you can't tell him, then maybe you're right to leave."

"Thank you."

"Clearly, you're not ready for a real, adult relationship."

"Mom!"

"Cricket, I'm not saying it's a good or bad thing. I'm just saying that it is." She gets up from the couch. "You're welcome to stay here as long as you need."

Izzie's phone vibrates. She doesn't need to look to know that it's Mark. She ignores the call.

0ooo0

"Okay, well, do you know what time you're going to be home?" Meredith asks her husband through the phone. She notices that Lisbeth has finally fallen asleep in her arms and places the baby in her bassinette.

"It depends on how the surgery goes, Mer," he replies.

Meredith sneaks out of the room before answering. She just spent half an hour trying to get the kid to sleep; she's not about to do anything to jeopardize that work. "I know," she sighs. "I just miss you. That's all."

"I have all of Sunday off, barring any emergencies," he says. "We can spend the whole day together."

Meredith sighs. "I'm going over to Callie's remember? It's Sunday."

"Oh. Maybe we can do something Saturday night. We could get Addison and Alex to watch the kids."

"Alex and Addison don't need any more stress right now," Meredith retorts. "Besides, the kids would be seriously upset that they don't have time with you. You're never home anymore, Derek."

"I'm sorry I'm trying to make money," he scoffs.

"You don't understand," she snaps. "You'll never get it."

She hangs up before he can answer. Then she takes the phone off the hook and turns off her cell. She doesn't want to talk to him.

0ooo0

Izzie has been gone for almost three months now; each household becomes more and more secluded. Meredith is still struggling with Derek, Cristina is determinedly ignoring Victor, Callie and Shay are officially moving in. Addison is still being walled out by Alex. Instead of reacting, she just starts spending more and more time over at Mark and Izzie's. Mark needs the company and she needs someone to vent to.

Now she walks around her house on eggshells. Lately, the smallest argument—a door left unlocked, a restaurant for dinner—is grounds for World War III. Almost every one ends with sex—it feels like the only way they know how to apologize. Nothing is ever solved. She's just about ready to give up; the only reason she doesn't is Emma.

She lies in bed, staring at the ceiling, pondering the death of her marriage. It has yet to be determined if she truly cares and that's the part that terrifies her. Every time her thoughts turn to the shambles of her life, a face swims in front of her eyes, and it's not her husband's. No, she's horrified to realize that she has Mark Sloan on the brain. Every time she sees his face, she quickly shoves it out of her mind. Thinking about Mark Sloan has always gotten her into trouble before, and there's no reason to think that pattern is going to stop now.

"What time will you be home tomorrow?" she asks Alex. He shrugs. "Okay," she says slowly in frustration. "Any sort of time frame? Do I need to worry about making you dinner?"

"I don't know," he answers.

"Are you planning on talking to me any time soon?"

"Are you planning on letting me get some sleep any time soon? I'm exhausted, Addison."

She doesn't mean to blurt out the one thing that she can attribute his sudden coldness to, but she does. "Are you having an affair with Izzie?"

He stares at her in a moment of stunned silence. "What?"

''You heard me," she says quietly, quite aware that this is going to end badly.

"Why the hell would you ask that?'

"Alex, you haven't said anything to me since Izzie disappeared. We didn't even talk about _that_! We were doing okay until Izzie disappeared. And then she leaves and you don't look at me. Were you having an affair with her? Are you in love with her?"

"She was my best friend too, Addison. I've actually known her longer than you. You can't seem to remember that. You think I like my best friend being gone? You really think I would cheat on you?"

"You didn't answer my question," she points out quietly.

"That's because it shouldn't need an answer. I shouldn't have to reassure you that I'm not cheating on you! I knew you could be jealous but I didn't think you were that freaking insecure."

She looks at him for a good long moment and realizes something. "I don't think you know me at all anymore," she frowns, getting out of bed and pulling on a sweatshirt.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't care. I'm going for a walk."

"It's ten at night."

"I don't feel like listening to a list of all my faults. I'm going for a walk."

They're keeping their voices down, but each line builds in anger. And then he says something that makes them both realize that this is a fight with bigger implications than they'd imagined. "Over to Sloan's maybe?"

She stares at him in disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that," she whispers, caught up in the heat of the argument. If she were to stop and think about it, she would realize that he has every right to say that, but right now it just hurts.

"You're over there every day, "looking for Izzie, being a friend." And that's really all you're doing?"

"You _cannot_ be serious."

"You accused me of having an affair with Izzie."

"No," she corrects him. "_I _was voicing a petty insecurity. You're actually accusing me of having an affair."

"Addison," he says, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

She yanks away. "Don't touch me. I'm going for a walk."

It isn't until she's outside that she realizes that not only does she have nowhere to go, but his accusations ring true. While all she and Mark have been doing is talking, that one kiss clouds any possible innocence.

"Addison?" She looks up from her blurry-eyed walk to see Mark. "Are you okay?"

Instead of answering, she just breaks down into sobs. He gathers her up into his arms and lets her cry. Finally she calms down a little. "I'll tell you what's wrong with my life if you tell me," he bargains.

She looks up and sniffs. "You first."

"I know you've been saying this, but Izzie isn't coming back."

"I think I'm getting divorced. Again."

"You're strong, Addie. You'll be okay."

She shakes her head. "That's the thing," she says. "I don't think I will. Not this time."

"You will. You just need to wrap your head around the idea," he tells her, clearly drawing on his own experience with Izzie.

She shakes her head a little. "I don't think so."

"You'll be fine, Addison. It'll get better and you'll move on."

Hesitantly, he raises his hand to cup her cheek. Against her better judgment, she leans into his touch. He kisses her forehead softly, then her mouth and she doesn't pull away. Eventually she rests her head on his shoulder and lets him just hold her. She closes her eyes to guard herself from the guilt, but as she appreciates the feel of two arms encircling her, she realizes that, aside from all late night longings, even with all the life-shattering arguments, there's only one man whose arms she really wants around her. And he deserves so much better than her.

"Oh, you have _got _to be freaking kidding me!" Izzie exclaims, dropping her suitcase. Addison springs away from Mark and sees the look of complete disgust on her face. Without another word, she hops back into the taxi she arrived in and drives away.

Addison pleads desperately with Mark to realize that this all was a huge mistake, and he agrees. He's already hopping in the car to follow Izzie's cab.

* * *

**Remember that thing I said about not hating me?**

**-Juli-**


	10. A Murder of One

**I don't really have anything to say, but the chapters look so lonely without somthing up here.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

There are certain sounds that seem to echo a certain time or feeling. For example, the sound of birds singing sounds like spring. Sprinklers running sound like summer. A baby's laugh sounds just like happiness. But there is nothing that sounds more than finality than a slammed door.

0ooo0

Mark drives for three hours, following that damn taxi cab. He doesn't do much thinking because he's too busy trying to keep the van in sight, but he's surprised when he (and Izzie's cab) turn into a trailer park. He pulls into a driveway right after the taxi. Izzie gets out, slams the door and stalks up to his car. She raps on the window and he rolls it down.

"Stop stalking me," she snaps.

"Izzie-"

"I _don't _want to hear about it, Mark Sloan. We're done! So done!"

"Izzie-"

"Just stay away from me!"

"Izzie?" An older woman comes out of the house. "What's going on?"

Izzie looks at her and flies into the house, crying. The woman looks between Mark and Izzie and chooses to follow after Izzie. The only other time Mark has ever felt as guilty as he does now was when Derek caught him in bed with Addison. Apparently Addison gets him in trouble.

0ooo0

Meredith stalks in front of the television, getting right into Derek's line of sight. The kids are in bed and she's officially sick and tired. "That's it," she announces.

He stares at her, not really sure what she's talking about.

"I've tried to be the supportive wife. I really have. But you have a family, Derek. You have responsibilities. And don't give me that "I'm trying to make money" crap because the kids would rather have their father than cool toys. I'm your wife and you need to listen to me, because I'm being dead serious right now. I swear to God, if you don't start actually being a part of this family, I will take the kids and we will leave. Maybe then you'll realize what you're missing."

Before he can answer, she storms off to the bathroom to take a shower so she can lock the door and cry.

0ooo0

"Wow, still working?' Cristina rolls her eyes when she hears Victor's smug question.

"Surgery," she grunts.

"You're being really grumpy," he comments.

"You're being really creepy, so we're even," she retorts.

"I miss the pleasant Cristina Yang from the coffee shop."

"What do you want?" she asks.

"Have dinner with me," he says.

"No," she replies.

"Why not?"

"Because you're being a weird stalker about it."

"You're stubborn."

"I know." She yawns.

"At least let me buy you a cup of coffee," he suggests.

She sighs. Why spend her money when she can spend his? "Fine."

0ooo0

Izzie and Mark aren't home the next day. No one but Addison knows that Izzie was even back or why Mark has now joined her on the missing persons list. Alex and Addison barely talk, but all day, she's nearly driven crazy with guilt and she realizes that she _has _to finally own up to her mistakes.

"Alex," she says quietly. Emma's been asleep for almost an hour now. They've been sitting side by side in bed, in their own little worlds, avoiding contact where possible.

He looks over at her. "Uh-huh?"

The guilt is enough to make her want to throw herself off the nearest cliff. "We need to talk," she whispers, avoiding his eyes.

He frowns and she sits up. She swallows. How does one reveal infidelity? She opens her mouth, tempted to say never mind and allow the guilt to eat her from the inside out, but she closes it again.

"Yeah?" he asks.

And then all of a sudden, the gates holding back her words, holding back her tears, open without warning. "Mark and I kissed. Three months ago. We kissed. And yesterday he kissed me again, and," here she hesitates again, "I didn't pull away. And now Izzie's probably gone for good. And…"

He doesn't say anything, but she can see his clenched jaw, his rigid expression.

"It didn't mean anything," she insists, wiping the first of her tears away, but they just continue to fall. "I was unhappy. I was unhappy and I didn't know what I wanted. I do now. You and Emma, you mean everything to me."

He refuses to meet her eyes. It just makes her cry harder.

"I never slept with him," she says, reaching out to touch his hand. He moves, leaving her hand lonely and desperate on the sheets.

"Did you want to?" he asks quietly.

"What?"

"Did you think about it? Did you want to sleep with Sloan?" The horrible, calm façade is starting to crack. He's starting to get angry. He's starting to picture another man's hands, ones he had trusted, all over his wife.

Addison picks at a loose thread in their comforter. She closes her eyes and tries not to think about her fantasies. "Yes." Her whisper sounds like little more than air escaping her lungs. "I'm sorry. I am _so, so _sorry."

He shoves the covers away from him and gets out of bed. "Alex," she pleads, watching him from the bed. "We need to talk about this! Please."

He goes to the closet and pulls a bag out of the closet, nothing but fury registering in his mind. "W-what are you doing?" Addison asks frantically. He doesn't look at her. "Stop it!" she exclaims as he starts to pull clothes out of drawers. "Stop it! No! Please! Alex," she cries, "we have to talk about this!"

"_Now _you want to talk? I don't have anything to say." He starts to zip up the bag. She springs forward and tries to tear it from his hand. He yanks it away from her and she falls back onto the bed. She sobs helplessly as he finishes grabbing things to leave.

He starts to head downstairs. "Alex, please," she begs as she follows him. "Just let me explain. Please. Don't go. Please!"

He continues on his path towards the door. "Alex," she calls from the top of the stairs. "What about Emma? What about_ our_ daughter?" It's her last resort.

He finally looks at the woman he thought he knew, and for one second it looks like he might cave. "I'll call her tomorrow," he answers and turns away.

She rushes down the stairs, calling his name, calling apologies, anything. He doesn't listen. In fact, he slams the door in her face as he heads to his car.

She watches helplessly from the porch as he drives off. It takes her a good ten minutes to move inside, and even then, she only closes the front door. "Oh God," she whispers and sinks against the wall, allowing sobs to wrack her body. She doesn't think she's ever going to be able to move again.

Yes, nothing sounds more of finality than a slammed door.

* * *

**Well, hope you enjoyed that.**

**-Juli-**


	11. Hey, Mrs Potter, Don't Cry

**One last chapter before I go back to school. How sad. I'm not sure if I'm referring to the fact that I'm going to back to school or the chapter. Now that **_**is **_**sad.**

**I own nothing.**

"Morning," Derek says, kissing his wife's cheek.

She frowns at him. "Aren't you working today?"

"Took the day off," he replies with a proud grin.

"I hope you don't think that one day off is going to fix everything," she comments.

He sighs. "I'm not promising anything, but you and the kids… I'd rather have you than, well, anything."

Meredith smiles slightly and nudges him. "Glad to hear you've finally got your priorities straight."

The baby monitor signals that Lisbeth has decided to awaken. He starts to get up, but she beats him to the punch, telling him to enjoy a rare day off. He agrees to let her go. She smiles, gets the baby, and has Vanna, Mason, and Lucy (who have all been up for a_ges _by now) all go pile on top of their daddy.

She's still wary that this is only a temporary change, but a girl can hope right?

0ooo0

"Mommy?"

Addison raises her head to see her little girl standing over her. She sits up, stiff and cold from an uncomfortable night spent sleeping restlessly in front of the door.

"It's time for school," Emma explains.

"Oh. Sweetie, can you please go see if Auntie Meredith can take you? Mommy isn't feeling too well."

"Where's Daddy?"

Tears spring up in Addison's eyes as the night before replays in her mind unbidden. "Daddy had to go on a trip," she explains, thinking on her feet. "But he's going to call you later today, okay?"

"Like a vacation?"

"Something like that," she says quietly. She suddenly grips her daughter tightly. "Your daddy loves you very, very much, Emma. I want you to always remember that, okay?"

"If you don't let go of me, I'm going to be late for school."

Addison nods and releases. "I love you, Emma-belle."

"I love you too, Mommy."

The second Emma is out of the house, Addison starts crying again. She manages to drag herself upstairs into her bedroom and calls in sick. She sluggishly pulls on one of Alex's sweatshirts, crawls into bed, and falls into a fitful sleep.

She doesn't move when she wakes up. Instead, she studies a smudge on the wall. She doesn't know it, but that smudge holds her attention for an hour.

Someone clears their throat. Addison lifts her head slowly and sees Meredith standing with Lisbeth's carrier. "Emma said you weren't feeling well."

"So you brought Lisbeth with you?" Addison asks. She just wants to be left alone.

"I figured that was a lie. What's wrong?"

Addison shakes her head and collapses back down on the bed.

"Addison, what's going on?"

_Don't make me say it, s_he begs silently.

"Addison?"

"Alex. He… he left."

"He _what_?!" Meredith shrieks. Addison flinches. Everything is loud. Too loud. "But that's not possible. Why would he?"

Instead of answering that question, her tears start flowing freely again.

"Oh, _Addison_," Meredith sighs. She sets down Lisbeth's carrier and climbs into bed with her friend.

"He left me, Meredith. He's gone," Addison sobs.

"Shh," Meredith whispers, stroking her hair. Addison imagines she's done the exact same thing for the thousand times her children have crawled into her bed with a nightmare. "Shh."

0ooo0

Callie stretches in her chair. She's stiff from hours of work. Her phone rings and she picks up. "Hello?"

"Ravioli or spaghetti?" Shay asks.

"Spaghetti," Callie answers

"Negatory, Torres, we're having ravioli!"

Callie laughs. "You're a nerd, Carson."

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

There's a beep, signaling another call. "Shay, give me a sec, okay? I have another call."

"Okay," she agrees pleasantly.

Callie switches over to the other line. "Hello?"

"Callie? It's Meredith," Meredith says quietly.

"What's up?" Callie frowns. Meredith never calls her at work. Meredith rarely calls her at all.

"Do you think you can get away from work?" Meredith asks. "I hate to ask, but I really need to go home and I don't want to leave Addison alone and-"

"Wait, rewind," Callie demands. "Why are we not leaving Addison alone? Is she sick or something?"

Meredith hesitates, but then says simply, "Alex left."

"What?" Callie shrieks.

"He's gone and Addison won't get out of bed and I need to be home when my kids get there and it's Derek's first day off in weeks and I don't want to leave her alone. Can you get off work?"

Callie checks her schedule. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thank you so much," Meredith exclaims. "I'll explain when you get here."

Callie hangs up on Meredith and returns to Shay. "I'm really sorry," she says. "I think I have to take a rain check on the ravioli."

"Why?" Shay whines.

"I'm really sorry, but Addison really needs me and-"

Shay sighs. "She needs you an awful lot, doesn't she?"

"Shay…"

"No, it's fine, really. I'm just tired of being jealous of your friends, I guess."

"Shay-"

"I'll see you tonight, okay?"

Callie nods, realizes Shay can't see that, and says, "Okay. I'll see you later."

"Bye."

0ooo0

He actually slept in his car. Not the most comfortable of places, but it's not like he has any place to go.

Izzie watches from the window.

"He was out there all night, Cricket," her mother points out.

"I don't care," she replies. Really convincing, especially since she refuses to look away from the window.

"Maybe you should hear him out."

"Maybe I should castrate him."

"Izzie-"

"He kissed my best friend, Mom! My married best friend!"

"Okay, so he made a mistake. You disappeared for three months, right before the wedding. I'm not saying that you should take him back. I'm not saying that he's right. I'm just saying that maybe you should hear every side of the story before condemning everyone. At least that way you'll never have to deal with the uncertainty of what could have happened."

Izzie sighs. She hates it when her mother is right.

**Hope you enjoyed it!**

**-Juli-**


	12. Hazy

**I'm excited to be writing again! :) That's about all I have to say, except sorry about the time gap and the sadness of this chapter.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

She raps on the car window. He looks startled to see her, but opens the door quickly. "You have three minutes," she announces. "And then I'm leaving."

"Izzie," he says. It looks like he's about to say something sentimental that she doesn't want to hear.

"I mean it, Mark. Three minutes."

He gets out of the car to stand next to her. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

She looks surprised when he doesn't continue. "Okay," she nods and starts to go back into the house.

"Izzie, why'd you leave?" he asks suddenly. She turns back to stare at him. "What happened?"

She looks like she might answer but then her face turns hard. "Why were you kissing Addison?"

"She… I…" he stumbles. "You left, Izzie. And I'm not saying it's your fault or that I was right," he hastens to add. "But you left. And I didn't know if you were ever going to come back. And she needed a friend."

"That's your idea of a friend? Kissing her? You were engaged, Mark! She's _married_! There are rules!"

"I know," he says. He's not going to contradict her. He knows that it was an absolutely stupid move. But it's Addison. That doesn't make sense. It sounds bad. It's not that he's still in love with her, because he's not. It's just that he's Mark and she's Addison and they do stupid things around and with each other. But at the exact same time, they do have an incredible way of trying to fix each other. So it never works? They're them and that's that.

"So why?"

"You left and she needed someone. You were gone, Izzie! You left without talking to anybody! Do you know how worried I was?"

"We're not talking about that."

"We _should_ talk about that."

"Why did Addison need someone?" she asks, completely ignoring his comment.

He shifts uncomfortably, not sure if he should answer. "Uh… it was about Alex, I think."

And though Izzie tries to pry a little more information out of him, that's all he'll say. Izzie sighs and starts to head back inside. "I'm sorry, Izzie," he calls after. "I know that doesn't fix anything, but I'm sorry."

She studies him for a moment. "Go home, Mark," she says sadly. "Go home."

___0ooo0_

A week. She lies in bed for a week and she's not tempted to get out of it. Emma sits and does homework on Alex's side of the bed. She sleeps there too. She's not exactly sure what's wrong, but she knows that something is, and she does everything possible to make her mother happy. Emma's the only one who can coax a weak smile out of her. She's the only one who can get _any_ sort of reaction out of her mother. Meredith and Callie take turns making sure that Emma and Addison are fed.

Meredith is constantly with Addison, letting her normal role of Supermom slide a little. Derek tries to step up his involvement in the house, but since the only appliances in the house that he can operate are the microwave and the barbeque it remains to be seen if that involvement is beneficial.

If Meredith isn't with Addison then Callie is. Shay isn't super in love with the arrangement, but instead of complaining, she throws herself into cooking for Addison and Emma. While Callie sits with Addison and talks to her, Shay shows Emma how to cook. And Shay does love the time she spends with Emma. In complete defiance of anything that her mother has taught her, Emma loves the kitchen. And she adores Shay, who is the only adult who acts semi-normal around her right now.

Meredith and Callie try to drag Addison out of her funk on their own but it doesn't work. And they get desperate. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

A week. A week of nothing.

And then something.

She's staring at the same smudge on the wall. That much hasn't changed.

"Get up," someone commands her.

Addison frowns and turns over slowly. She's convinced she's seeing things. Why else would Izzie be glaring at her from the doorway?

"Get up," she repeats. "It's been a week. Get up."

"What are you doing here?" Addison asks. Her voice is scratchy; it hasn't been used much lately.

"Now? Getting you out of bed. Meredith called."

"You should hate me right now."

"I do hate you right now," Izzie replies. "Get up."

Addison sits up, and pushes the covers back slowly. "We didn't sleep together, Izzie."

Izzie holds up her hand. "I'm not here to talk about you or Mark or you _and_ Mark. I don't want to know. I'm just here to get you out of bed. So get up."

Addison runs a hand through her hair and wishes she hadn't. There wasn't any call for her to find out just how greasy her hair is.

"You look disgusting," Izzie observes.

"Thanks," she says sarcastically.

"Get in the shower. I refuse to talk until you get in the shower."

"But-"

"Do _not_ make me come in there with you, Addison Karev."

Hearing her last name, Addison bites her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood and clenches her fists. When she inspects the palms of her hands, each has four blood red crescents imprinted there.

"Your lip is bleeding," Izzie comments.

Addison shrugs.

Izzie sighs. "I'm going to regret asking this, but are you okay?"

"Fine," Addison croaks. She would start crying, but she has officially run out of tears.

"You're lying. And I know I'm going to regret this, but let's hear the truth." Addison stares at her friend and shakes her head. "Seriously, Addison, just do it."

"I swear nothing happened, Izzie," she bursts out. "We kissed, but that was it. I just… This is a sucky excuse, and I know that, but I didn't know what I was doing. I mean, I did, but he kissed me and I just wanted… I don't know what I wanted. I didn't want to ruin anything for you, I swear. I wasn't even thinking about you. I've just been so unhappy lately and when he kissed me, just for one second, I let myself pretend that maybe he would make me happy. But now I'm more miserable than ever and I can't look at myself in the mirror."

"Yeah, well, given the condition of your hair, that might be a good thing," Izzie says with a small smile. It fades in a millisecond. "He kissed you?" she whispers.

"I… don't know how to answer that," Addison admits.

"So he did."

Addison shuts her eyes. "I've already hurt you too much, Izzie. I don't want to do anything else."

"Yes or no answer, Addison. If you want me to ever consider forgiving you, you will answer my questions and you will answer them truthfully. Did he kiss you?"

"Yes."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No!" she exclaims vehemently.

"Did you want to?"

"Sort of. Maybe."

"Maybe?"

Addison looks at her friend. "I wanted to know what I wanted. If that would have meant sleeping with him, then probably yes. I was desperate, Izzie."

"And Alex left you? Like _left you_ left you?"

Addison stares off into space as she nods.

"Why?"

"I told him what happened. Now he hates me."

"Yeah, well, I hate you too."

"Thanks, Izzie."

"It's true. I'll let you in on a secret, Addison, because you _were_ a great friend. The only reason he hates you right now is because he loves you. It's devastating. But I'm willing to try to think about starting to forgive you because of that exact same reason. Maybe he will too. Now get in the shower. Your hair is disgusting."

Hope, it's the thing with feathers.

* * *

**I swear, things _will _get better eventually. Pinky promise!**

**-Juli-**


	13. Have You Seen Me Lately?

**I feel really badly that this took so long. I really have absolutely no excuse for my tardiness in this update. I can only offer up an apology and hope you accept it. Sorry!**

**I own nothing.**

He calls every day at four. Emma rushes home from school so she can answer the phone. Addison never tries to talk to him. She's too scared that he'll hang up on her.

She hasn't talked to her husband in a month. He_ is_ still her husband. A month. She's almost gotten used to the sharp ache that doesn't go away. At the very least, she can function. She can take care of her daughter.

One day after Emma has talked to Alex, she goes over to Kara Tyler's to do homework. Although she sticks close to home, now that Addison is up and seemingly okay, she's willing to leave for small periods of time. Addison takes the time to gather the glasses that have accumulated around the house. As she's walking to the kitchen, she trips. She knows it's going to be bad before she even hits the floor. Glass shatters and she throws her hands out to catch herself. The pain in her hands tells her that she's managed to throw her full weight down on some of the shards.

Swallowing, she pulls up her hands to look at them. Most of the cuts aren't terrible, but several are going to need stitches. Ignoring the blood, she starts cleaning up the glass. She can't have Emma stepping on any of this.

"Addison?" Meredith calls, wandering through the front door. "The door was open."

"Here," Addison calls back, continuing to gather pieces.

"Oh my God! Addison, what happened?"

"I tripped." She laughs bitterly. "One stupid step and everything's a mess."

"Addison, you need to go to the emergency room. You're bleeding pretty badly."

"I need to clean this up," she replies. "Emma can't get hurt."

"I'll call Callie and she'll clean it, okay? I'm driving you to the hospital."

"No, Meredith," Addison insists, her eyes filling with tears. "I _have _to fix this. I have to."

Meredith tugs at her gently. "You're not fixing anything if you bleed to death. Come on. I'll call the Tylers and let them know to keep Emma, okay?"

Addison listlessly lets Meredith lead her to the car and drive her to the hospital.

0ooo0

"Do you _ever _work?" Cristina snaps as she sees Victor Spencer in the hospital cafeteria _again_.

He looks up from his supposedly ham sandwich. "My mom was admitted last night," he confides. "Heart attack."

"Oh. Uh, sorry," Cristina stammers, not exactly comfortable with the whole emotion/apology thing.

He grins. "She's going to be fine, provided she listens to the doctors. In the meantime, want to grab some coffee or something to eat?"

She almost laughs but keeps herself in check. "Wow. Announcing your mother's heart attack and asking me out in the same breath."

"_Technically _I told you she's going to be okay and asked you out in the same breath. The heart attack was earlier. Infinitely more classy than what you're suggesting."

"Not by much," Cristina retorts. She goes quiet for a second. "If I agree, will you stop stalking me?"

"Probably not," he says agreeably. "But maybe. Definitely dinner."

Cristina rolls her eyes. "Maybe," she concedes, mostly just to make him go away. Her pager beeps, a 911 that summons her to the pit. "I have to go," she announces and walks away without an apology. In that moment, she's prepared to take on everything.

Well, everything but what she sees when she gets there.

0ooo0

"Mark, I don't want to talk," Izzie snaps into the phone as she picks it up for the fifty billionth time.

"Izzie, it's Cristina."

"Oh. Um, sorry."

"It's fine," Cristina says, sounding distracted. And that's when Izzie knows something is really wrong. Cristina Yang _never _sounds distracted.

"What's going on?" Izzie asks nervously.

"I don't have time to explain," Cristina answers quickly. "But will you please just get to the hospital? Just… please?"

Izzie grabbing her car keys before she hangs up the phone. The only thing more uncommon than Cristina sounding distracted is Cristina saying please.

0ooo0

"Hello?" Callie asks as she picks up.

"Hey, it's me," Izzie's voice comes through the line.

"Izzie!"

"Hi. Look, have you talked to Addison or Meredith lately?" Izzie asks.

"What? I haven't tried. Can we please focus on the fact that I haven't talked to you in months?"

"No," Izzie replies bluntly. "Later, maybe. So you haven't been talking to Addison or Mer?"

"No, why?"

"Cristina hasn't called you?"

"I've been in meetings all day," Callie explains. "Why? What's going on?"

"Cristina just called me and she said to get to the hospital. So now I'm on my way and I can't get a hold of Mer or Addison and what if something happened?" The end of her statement is reaching for the hysterical stars.

"Iz, calm down. I'm sure everything's fine," Callie says calmly, mostly just because that's what you say in these situations.

"Callie, she said _please_."

Callie is silent for a moment. "I'll come meet you at the hospital," she decides and hangs up.

She calls Shay's cell phone on the way out of the building. "Callie?" Shay chirps. "What's up?"

"I need you to calm me down," Callie demands. "I'm panicking and I need you to calm me down."

"What?"

"Cristina called Izzie and Izzie called me and she can't get a hold of Addison or Meredith and Cristina said _please_, Shay, and I just really need to go to the hospital and I need you to calm me down!"

"Whoa, slow down. The hospital? What's going on?"

"I don't really know," Callie admits. "But I've got this really bad feeling that something's happened to Addison and Meredith and Cristina wants us to go to the hospital."

"I'll meet you there," Shay says quickly.

"Shay, no, I-" Callie starts to protest, but Shay cuts her off.

"I've been cooking for Addison for practically two months now. I talk to Meredith nearly as much as you do and I probably spend more time with Emma than you. They're my friends too now and you don't get a say in this one. They're my friends too and I'm just as worried as you are and this is my call, so I'm going and that's it. I'll see you there." She hangs up before Callie can reply.

0ooo0

The ER is bustling with activity, but Meredith doesn't notice. She's a little distracted by the fact that she's hurrying in front of a gurney. She searches frantically around for the one face she needs. Finally, she sees him. "Alex!" she calls, "Alex, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry."

"Meredith?" he asks, his brow furrowing, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Meredith sobs.

"Meredith! What's going on?"

"I'm so sorry!"

Alex is starting to get scared and normally he'd be getting angry that he's not getting an answer, but then he gets the answer. The chaos of the room becomes muffled and disappears when he sees his wife strapped to a gurney, barely clinging to consciousness. "W-what happened?" he stammers, not even aware that he's asking.

"W-we were coming here. She cut her hand really badly and needed stitches. I waited at the light, Alex! I waited! But this guy just came screaming out of nowhere and… and… and I am so sorry, Alex!"

This last apology is lost on him because he's already moving wordlessly towards the gurney. As a surgeon, he accepts blood as a part of life. Blood is his livelihood. But the blood staining her clothes, starting to congeal on her face, it's enough to make him want to throw up. "What's going on?" he asks Bailey, trying to sound as normal as possible.

She looks up. "I _sincerely _hope that you don't think you're getting in on this surgery or on any surgery, Karev. You are officially off duty as of right now. There is no way in hell you're operating with your wife here. Go to the waiting room. I'll get you updates as often as possible."

He does as he's told. He worries that someone is going to try to talk to him. Nobody does, and he's glad. This way he can place his head in his hands and cry.

**Yeah, um, sorry about that… If it makes you feel any better, I do have a large chunk of the next chapter written, which is at least partially why this took me so long to write; I didn't want to leave you there and then have a two month gap.**

**I'm a little nervous about this little development in the plot, so I'd love some thoughts!**

**-Juli-**


	14. A Dangerous Time For A Heart On The Line

**I'm blanking on something to say, but I really hope you like it! Sorry the story's been so Addex centric lately, but it's hard for me _not _to write them and this whole part of the story is kind of centered on them anyways.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Izzie rushes into Seattle Grace looking like she had to take out about half of Seattle's population just to get there. Fortunately, she spots Cristina before she's forced to start on the hospital's staff. "Cristina!" she yells across the lobby. Cristina turns and starts towards her. "What's going on?"

"Meredith and Addison were in an accident," Cristina says calmly. She knows this is going to freak out Izzie and _somebody _needs to be relatively calm. "Meredith's getting checked out right now, but it doesn't look like anything more serious than a concussion and maybe a broken rib or two. But the car… hit Addison's side and… she wasn't so lucky. Um, there's a shard of glass that's dangerously close to her liver and… well, she's in surgery now."

Izzie's hands raise to her face as she feels tears gather behind her eyes and her breathing stop. She knows that she should thankful that Meredith's okay, but right now all she can think about is that Addison is under the impression that she hates her and if she… dies (she hesitates to even think the word), that's going with her to the… grave. "Oh God," she murmurs.

"Izzie, are you okay?" Cristina asks.

"She thinks I hate her," Izzie says.

"What?"

"Addison. She thinks I hate her. What if she…? Oh my God, does Alex know?" Cristina nods. "I have to find him," Izzie declares. "Where is he?"

"Waiting room," Cristina replies.

"Are you coming?"

"I have to wait for Callie and then I'll be there," she responds. As plausible as this excuse is, it _is _an excuse. The waiting room would make this all real. And it can't be real if she's going to not break down. If she goes into that waiting room, all she's going to think about is the times she's had to go into that room and apologize to a family because their loved one didn't make it. And from there it's not that far of a leap to Bailey coming in and giving them all that exact same news.

So Cristina's staying out of the waiting room. And instead she's standing like a statue in the lobby. In fact, the only signal that she isn't some strange statue is that her eyes periodically scan the entry for Callie. She's very careful to keep her thoughts to a bare minimum. She's not the most imaginative person in the world, but it doesn't take an imaginative person to start playing worst case scenarios out in her head.

0ooo0

It doesn't take long for Izzie to find Alex. Well, it's not like it's difficult. She pauses a moment, studying her best friend's husband. She takes a deep breath, steeling herself, and then walks over. "Hey," she whispers, not sure if she has the right to sit down next to him.

He looks up and she cringes when she sees the lack of _anything _in his eyes. He looks like he's given up all hope and like all he wants to do is go drink and forget this day ever happened. In fact, that idea doesn't sound too bad to Izzie either. "You okay?" she asks.

"You're back," he comments.

"Cristina called. Are you okay?"

He's silent for a really long time. He turns away from Izzie, but Izzie knows him well enough to know that he's wiping away tears that he hates crying. "Alex?" She sits down in the seat next to him and places a hand on his arm.

"I left her," Alex says, trying to shove all signs of emotion out of his voice.

"I know. So did I."

He looks at her, almost angry that she'd compare her pain to his. "Oh, so the last thing you told her was that you didn't have anything to say to her?"

"Well, no, I-"

"Then don't pretend like you know what I'm going through."

"Alex," she snaps. She waits for him to look at her. "She's going to be _fine_. Quit acting like she's already dead. She's _not_; she has some of the best surgeons in the world operating on her and she's going to be fine. Stop being a bitch."

He looks surprised at her tirade. After a silence he asks, "Did you just call me a bitch?"

She nudges him with her shoulder. "You got a problem with that?"

"I can't believe you called me a bitch," he says with a small laugh.

"She's going to be fine, Alex. She has to be."

"I hope you're right, Iz," he mumbles. They retreat into their separate heads and stop talking.

0ooo0

"Alex?" Bailey asks gently. He looks up. He's not sure how long it's been since she last brought him news.

He thought that awful day a month ago when he left Addison and Emma was the worst day of his life but today… today definitely tops the list.

"Addison is out of surgery," she announces. "The bleeding was worse than we thought, but we corrected the problem and she's going to be fine." Alex just stares, so she repeats, "She's going to be fine, Alex."

With that second repetition, it feels as if the two ton weight on his chest has been lifted. "Do you want to sit with her?" Bailey offers.

Before he can answer, Emma asks, "Daddy, is Mommy okay?"

He looks up in surprise; he wasn't aware that his daughter was at the hospital.

"I had Derek bring her," Meredith says from the door. "I thought Addison would want to see her."

He nods tersely, not sure if he's talking to the woman.

"Alex?" Bailey says quietly.

There are a million reasons that he could refuse to sit and wait for her to wake up. They're practically divorced. It's been a month since he last talked to her. She technically cheated on him. And then he looks at his daughter who looks so much like his wife and realizes that there is absolutely no way that he can refuse.

"I can watch her," Meredith offers, talking about Emma. "Until Addison's awake. If you want to go sit with her."

"I'll be back in five minutes," Bailey says, leaving discreetly.

"I'm _so _sorry, Alex," Meredith apologizes. "I just keep going over and over it in my mind. What if I had waited just a second longer? I mean, just _one second _and we wouldn't be here."

"It's not your fault, Meredith," he says quietly, looking straight ahead. "I know that. I know that, but at the exact same time, I can't look at you right now. Because if I look at you, I'm just going to keep asking the same questions you are, and I'm going to keep blaming you. And I don't want to blame you. So I can't look."

"I can watch Emma while you wait for Addison," Meredith offers, holding back tears. "Let me do that at least."

"Okay," he agrees and turns to Emma. "Em, I need you to stay with Meredith, okay?"

"Is Mommy okay?"

This is one of those times that he wishes his daughter wasn't so perceptive. He wishes she had no idea what was going on. He wishes he could protect her from this. He can't bring himself to answer.

"Your mommy's going to be fine," Meredith says for him, pulling Emma close and grimacing; she didn't make it out of the accident completely unscathed either. "She's going to be just fine."

He kisses Emma's head and leaves to sit in Addison's hospital room.

* * *

**Hopefully I can get the next chapter up a little quicker. I guess we shall see, won't we? In the meantime, I'd love to hear thoughts!**

**-Juli-**


	15. Black and Blue

**Okay, I'm sorry this has taken me awhile, and I'm sorry this isn't very long, but it was a good stopping point and I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish in this chapter.**

**I still own nothing.**

* * *

"This isn't happening," Callie mumbles as she sits next to Shay and Izzie in the waiting room. "This isn't fair!"

"Of course it isn't," Shay says soothingly.

Callie whips to face her. "She's my best friend, Shay."

"I know."

"It's like life just likes kicking her when she's down!"

Shay studies Izzie. "Maybe… Maybe it's not all bad," she suggests.

"Shay!"

"No, look." She lowers her voice. "This is the first time I've seen Izzie anywhere. She's back. And Addison's going to be fine."

"Shay!"

Shay sighs and wishes she had never started down this line of logic. There's no way to get out of it without sticking her foot even further in her mouth. "I'm just saying… Alex is sitting in Addison's room, waiting for her to wake up; it's the first time they've been in a room together in a month. Is it ideal? Absolutely not and I'd give anything to go back and stop it from happening, but I'm just saying that maybe, since this horrible thing _had _happen, maybe it's not the worst thing that could have happened. Maybe something good will come out of it."

Callie nudges Shay and they watch Mark approach Izzie.

"Checking on Addison?" Izzie asks him. It _should _be an angry, spiteful question and her name should be in italics, highlighting her disdain. Instead, it just comes out slightly curious and hopeful that he might have an update.

"You, actually," he says quietly.

"What?"

He exhales noisily. "I know you, Iz. Whether you like it or not, I know you. And I know that you're freaking out right now. Addison's going to be fine. I want to know about you."

He sits down next to her and for the first time since she got to the hospital, Izzie breaks down crying.

0ooo0

Cristina paces around the hospital like a woman possessed. She can't stop because the longer she stops, the more she thinks and she really can't think because if she starts to think then she thinks about what would happen if Addison didn't wake up and how Meredith would completely fall apart, and the rest of them would follow soon after. And she can't think about that. So she's walking and not thinking.

"Dr. Yang, we _can't _go on meeting like this!" Victor's smug proclamation breaks through her trance.

She looks at him, rolls her eyes, and starts to walk away.

"Hey, hey, hey, slow down!" he exclaims, grabbing her elbow. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she snaps. "Fine."

"You know, I had a teacher once. Absolute great person, really smart. Told me that any time somebody says that they're fine, it stands for 'feelings inside not expressed'. Really smart, this woman."

Cristina stares at him. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," she states.

He bypasses the insult to his old teacher's intelligence and goes straight for the meaty stuff. "What's going on? And before you think about not answering, keep in mind that you're wringing your hands and muttering to yourself like a crazy person."

She rubs her forehead. Suddenly she's got a headache like none other. "My friend," she clears her throat and then corrects herself because "friend" just doesn't explain why she's feeling this shaken up. "My best friend was in a car accident. She just got out of surgery."

"Is she going to be okay?" he asks with a frown.

"Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah."

"Have you had anything to eat?" She shakes her head. "Come on," he directs, guiding her towards the cafeteria. "I'm buying you food."

For the first time since they met, she concedes without any sort of argument.

0ooo0

"Hello?"

"I don't want to be like Addison and Alex."

"Meredith? What?"

"Derek, I don't want to be like Addie and Alex. I don't want to be wondering if I love you. And if you're at the hospital all the time, how am I supposed to know if I still love you? I don't want to be like Addie and Alex."

"So you're saying you want me to… bow out of the running for chief?"

"Yes."

"Even though it would be huge for my career."

"Yeah. I think your family is a little more important than your career."

"Okay."

"What?"

"I've had to work with Alex this last month. He's been walking around like a zombie. I don't want to be him. I don't want to lose you or the kids. And I sure as hell don't want to be Karev."

"You took the kids over to the Kramer's? And you took all of Liz's stuff with you?"

"I did."

"And you're coming back to the hospital?"

"I'll be there before Addison wakes up. Promise."

0ooo0

She groans a little as the anesthesia wears off and she blinks away the blurriness in her eyes. She blinks again when she sees the figure hovering in the doorway, convinced it must be a figment of her imagination because she can't come up with a better reason that her estranged husband would be standing there. "You're awake." So apparently the figment can speak.

She nods.

"I know you're still groggy, but I need to talk to you. I need… I need to ask you something. And I need you to answer me honestly. Okay? Just nod."

She nods.

"Okay."

She waits for a question to be asked. He waits for her to do anything to show that she's as uncomfortable with this situation as him. She gets what she's waiting for. He doesn't.

"Did you sleep with Mark?" he blurts out. "Just nod."

She shakes her head vehemently.

"Did you want to? Just nod."

She nods slowly after a moment of contemplation, her eyes begging with him to understand that she was desperate at the time and things are different now.

"Are you in love with him? Just nod."

Another vehement shake.

"Are you still in love with me?"

She's still for a moment; in the past couple weeks, she's realized the answer to this question, but she forgot that he would have to ask that since they no longer talk like best friends anymore. She licks her lips, almost as if she's going to say something and changes her mind. She looks him in the eye and nods.

"Okay," he breathes. "I'll let you get some rest."

He's gone before she can figure out exactly what just went down.

* * *

___**Hope you enjoyed! We're sort of coming to the end of this story, which is a little sad and a little happy and a little of everything. And, just in case you were wondering, I had a fantastic theology teacher who went on my Kairos retreat with me, and she's the one who told me about "fine". I think it's a great point.**_

___**-Juli-**_


	16. Cut Just A Little Too Deep

**Hey! Sorry this took forever and several days. I've been seriously busy with random things. But hopefully you enjoy this even though it's taken forever!**

**We're reaching the end of this story, which is a little scary, but happy too, you know?**

**I own nothing.

* * *

**

"Izzie, we need to talk," Mark says. She's finally calm and it seems like a good time, considering he actually knows where she is.

She looks up. "Yeah. We do."

He feigns surprise. "Well, that was easier than I expected."

She chuckles. "Shut up."

"Why'd you leave?" he asks suddenly.

"I had to."

"That's not an answer and you know it."

She swallows. "I had to leave because I couldn't stay," she explains.

"Why?" he asks, starting to get annoyed at just how much effort this is taking.

"I'm scared!" she snaps. He stares at her and she calms down. "I'm scared. People don't stay in my life, Mark. They die or they leave or… or… There is so much about me that you don't know and if you were to find out everything and leave me… I couldn't handle it. So I had to be the one to leave for once."

He's quiet for a second. "Izzie… That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What are you talking about?"

"I have a daughter," she blurts out.

"What?"

"I had a baby. When I was sixteen. I gave her up for adoption. But that happened."

"Okay."

Izzie stares at him. "Okay? Okay? I tell you I have a kid and all you have to say is okay?" Her voice rises to the point where even dogs are having trouble hearing her.

"Iz, now you're being unreasonable," he says quietly and rationally.

"Don't use your bedside voice on me, Mark Sloan!" she exclaims, jumping up.

He stands up with her and grabs her shoulders. "Izzie! You're being psychotic. Stop."

She stops. "Mark, I… I… This isn't working."

She runs, but this time he doesn't let her get away with it. "Izzie, I don't know what's wrong with you, but get over it."

She whirls around. "What's wrong with me is that you go around kissing my best friends!"

"You weren't there, Izzie!" he roars. "You disappeared. What was I supposed to do, wait around for you to just decide to come back? I'm not your toy; I can't just be put on some shelf until it's convenient for you! I have a life too!"

"And that gives you the right to break Addison's family?" she snaps. "What about Alex and Emma? Did you even think about them? And what about Derek?"

And just like that, with that one last sentence, Mark finally gets what all of this is about and just crumbles under the realization. "You don't trust me," he says flatly. "You never really did."

"Mark-"

"No, I get it, Izzie. Sorry for wasting your time."

0ooo0

"Callie, sit down," Shay commands from her seat. "Your pacing is making me restless. And dizzy."

"I just… I want to see her!' Callie exclaims. "I know she's okay, now I want to see it for myself."

"Callie," Shay says. "Stop. Moving. And you have to let Alex have some time with her first. He's her husband, remember?"

"Auntie Callie!" Emma exclaims, announcing both her and Meredith's presence before Callie can respond. She bends down just in time to scoop up the little girl.

"Hi, Shay," the six-year-old greets shyly.

"How is my favorite world famous chef?" Shay asks, smiling as she tickles the girl's stomach gently.

"Have you seen my mommy yet?" Emma asks seriously and all three women's eyes tear up.

"No, sweetie, we haven't," Shay says, speaking for the group.

"How are you?" Callie murmurs, looking to Meredith.

"I'm fine," Meredith answers. "Stitches, concussion, a couple of bruised ribs."

"That's good, but you know I wasn't talking about physically."

Meredith lowers herself into a chair slowly. "I wish Addison was the one talking to you right now. That's how I feel."

"It wasn't your fault," Callie assures her.

"Maybe not, but that's what I feel like. Have you hear anything about the other driver?"

Shay and Callie look at each other. "From everything I've heard," Shay says slowly, "he's worse off than Addison, but he's alive."

Meredith stares at her feet. Callie passes Emma to Shay and sits down next to her. "Meredith, look at me." She waits for a response and gets none. "Look. At. Me. He ran a red light. This is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done. Do not start blaming yourself."

Meredith gives a little grimace. "Too late."

0ooo0

"You're awake again," he states when she stirs.

"Yeah," she replies quietly. Even that hurts. Just about everything hurts.

He runs his hands through his short hair. "Addison," he starts, his voice already hinting that it's going to crack with emotion.

"I'm okay, Alex," she says with effort.

"You almost _died_," he responds.

"But it's okay," she comforts him. "I'm fine."

"No, it's _not _okay!" he suddenly explodes. "And it's not fine! You didn't have to watch your wife wheeled into the ER. You didn't have to explain to your daughter that her mother might not be okay. And you didn't have to sit through your surgery running every worst case scenario through your head! You might be fine, but _I'm not_. _We're _not fine."

Addison bites her lip and looks away guiltily from his tirade.

"Dr. Karev," Bailey says, announcing her presence as she sweeps into the room. "Your wife just went through a fairly extensive surgery. Perhaps this could wait for another time?"

He looks surprised, as if he's just been woken from a dream. "Oh, uh, yeah," he stammers. "Sorry."

"Alex?" Addison whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Where's Emma?"

"I'll get her," he offers. "She's with Meredith."

"Oh God, Meredith," Addison gasps. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah," he answers with a bitter laugh. "Just a concussion and a couple of bruised ribs. She's fine."

"Oh, thank God," Addison murmurs gratefully.

"She nearly got you killed, Addison!"

"She's my best friend, Alex!" she insists. "It was an accident and she's my best friend. I already lost Izzie; I can't lose Meredith too!" They both fall silent at the mention of Izzie. Addison picks at the sheets of her bed then looks up. "I know I lost the right to say this, Alex, but…" She hesitates slightly. "I love you. And I'm sorry it took all of this for me to figure that out."

He smiles softly. "Get some rest, Adds. I'll get Emma."

"He really loves you, you know?" Bailey comments once he's out of the room, studying Addison's chart.

She stares at the door as if he's still standing there. "I know," she says softly. "And, God, I wish he didn't."

"What?" Bailey snaps, looking up.

"If he didn't, I could stop hating myself," Addison explains.

Bailey rolls her eyes. "I think you mean if _you _didn't love him, you could stop hating yourself." Addison looks at her with a question in her eyes. "If you didn't love him," Bailey continues, "you wouldn't care that you hurt him. It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you."

She leaves Addison with that food for thought and goes to check up on other patients.

0ooo0

Addison looks up when someone knocks on the doorframe. "Derek," she smiles.

"Hey," he says, a little unsure of himself, still hovering in the doorway.

"You can come in, you know," she states with a little smirk. "Unless you're a vampire and have to be invited in, in which case, stay the hell out." She laughs at her own joke and grimaces.

"You okay?" he frowns.

"Yeah," she says quietly. "Believe it or not, laughing after surgery isn't a laughing matter."

He groans and rolls his eyes. "You're very punny."

"And so are you," she responds.

"So how are you?"

"I'm fine. I told you that. How's Meredith?"

"Feeling guilty as hell," Derek replies without thinking.

"Is that why she hasn't come and seen me? Because that's idiotic."

Derek grins at his ex-wife's bluntness. "Actually, I just happened to run into Alex on my way back from the cafeteria. So I'm the only one who knows you're not going to start spouting off random things about marshmallow people or something."

"Marshmallow people, Derek, really?"

"Hey!" he exclaims, ready to defend himself from her teasing. "Remember when you had your appendix out?" She nods. "For like an hour after that, you were _convinced _the doctors were actually marshmallow people. I had to stop you from biting one."

Addison gapes. "You did not."

"Yes, I did. You don't remember it. But it happened."

"Mommy!" Emma is sprinting towards the bed before Addison can answer.

"Careful," Alex warns. Addison bites her lip. He lifts their daughter up so she can hug her mother.

Emma very carefully and gently hugs her mom. "I didn't like you being sick, Mommy," Emma says seriously. Then she leans in and whispers in Addison's ear. "Daddy didn't like you being sick either. He cried for a really long time. Daddy doesn't cry."

"Addison," Alex says quickly before his daughter can reveal any more secrets. "People want to see you. Are you up to it?"

"Yeah," Addison says with a smile. Before Alex can go get them, Callie, Shay, Meredith, and Izzie burst into the room.

"And there they are now," Derek chuckles under his breath.

"You're okay," Callie states once she's visually affirmed this statement and grabbed Addison's hand to confirm it physically.

"I am," Addison replies.

"The woman wouldn't stop pacing," Shay confides.

"Shay!" Callie exclaims. "Could we not spill my deepest, darkest secrets, please?"

Izzie giggles. "Callie, if that's your deepest, darkest secret, we really need to start playing poker, because you must have the suckiest poker face ever."

"Shut up," Callie laughs.

Izzie turns to Addison. "How are you feeling?" she asks.

Addison looks surprised. "I'm fine. You're here."

Izzie sighed. "You almost died. Of course I'm here. I would hate myself forever if I were anywhere else."

The door bangs shut. Everyone looks around and sees that Meredith is gone. "I need to talk to Meredith," Addison murmurs to Derek. "Can you please go get her?"

"Absolutely," he says and leaves to do as she asks.

Shay nudges Callie and the two women start to edge out of the room. "Come on, Emma, let's go get some ice cream," Callie suggests.

But Emma looks at the woman like she's completely stupid and grabs on to her mother's hand. "No," she refuses.

"Em, maybe we should give your Mommy and Daddy time to talk," Shay says.

Emma shakes her head. "No."

"It's fine," Addison says. She doesn't want to let her little girl out of her sight anyways. "Thank you for being here."

Callie presses her lips to Addison's forehead. "Do something like this again and I'll kill you."

"I'm glad you're okay," Shay smiles.

They leave which leaves Addison with the two people she's hurt recently and her daughter, who simply refuses to let go of her hand.

"This isn't how I wanted everything to go, you know," she says quietly. "I… If I could do anything to go back in time and fix what I did, I would."

Izzie sighs. "Mark and I had problems before you came back into the picture, Addison. And we're always going to have problems. Besides… he loved you first."

Addison's eyes widen in shock. She's never heard the blonde sound so defeated. "Izzie, don't talk like that!" she exclaims. "He loves you now and he loves you more than he ever loved me. Please, just… don't throw that away. If you can even start to think about forgiving me, please think about forgiving him."

Izzie rubs her forehead tiredly. "I forgive you, Addison. Him, I just… I don't know."

Addison manages to get in one last "please" before Izzie leaves. Suddenly it's just her family in the room. She turns to Alex. "If there is anything I can do to even start to make up for everything, Alex… I know we're not okay, but maybe we could be? I want to try."

"Close your eyes," he says.

"What?"

"You want to start making up for everything?" She nods. "Okay, so just do it and keep them closed."

Warily, she closes her eyes. Emma keeps a firm grip on her hand and she can hear footsteps come closer to her bed. And then his lips press against hers. Obediently, she keeps her eyes closed and loses the world in the kiss. But then she pulls away and feels tears spring to her eyes as she realizes what she needs to do. "You should go," she says sadly. "You need to go."

"I'm not leaving you, Addison."

"Alex, I can't hurt you like this again. I could never forgive myself if I did. I need you to go before I hurt you even more."

"I-"

"You deserve so much better than anything I can give you. Please just go."

"Addison, I love you," he says forcefully.

"I love you too," she replies just as forcefully, "which is why I can't let you stay with me."

"Don't be stupid."

"Alex, please," she begs. "Don't make this any harder than it has to be. I want you to be happy."

"_You _make me happy!" he practically yells in frustration. "You piss me off and you're stubborn and rude and you make stupid choices. But I'm in love with you and I'm not letting you go. So deal with it."

_"__Alex-"_

"No, you know what?" he snaps. "You don't get to make unilateral decisions about us. You don't get to make selfish decisions based on what's going to make you feel better about yourself. I don't want to leave you and you don't get a say in whether or not I go. That's my decision to make and it has nothing to do with what you want. For once, we're going to be about me and I want to stay. You don't get a say."

Addison stares at the floor for a very long moment. "We need help," she finally decides. "If this is going to work, we need help."

He scoffs good-naturedly. "Ya think?"

"I'll try. I want to try. But I can't promise anything else, Alex. I can't make promises that I can't seem to keep."

He grins. "Hey, I already got you to make the big one, right?"

"What?"

"'Til death do us part. You already made that promise. You want to follow through on it?"

Addison fights a smile. With one sentence, he's just managed to remind her why she married him, of his almost frightening way of always knowing exactly how to make her laugh, to lighten up any situation. "I do," she nods. Then she becomes serious. "I'm scared, Alex."

"Yeah," he says. "But I don't want to lose you, so giving up isn't an option."

"Is Daddy coming home now?" Emma asks suddenly.

Addison looks to Alex for the answer. "Tonight," he promises, kissing Emma's head. "Once Mommy gets some more sleep."

"Can we get ice cream now?" Emma inquires. "And then come back? I want ice cream."

Alex laughs. "I don't know, Em. It's almost dinner time."

"It's fine," Addison says. "Spoil her a little."

"Okay, Em, you heard your mom, let's go!" he exclaims. He grabs the girl by the hand and they start to leave the room. They stop at the door to turn around.

"I love you, Mommy!" Emma proclaims.

"I love you too, Emma-belle," she smiles. "More than you will ever know."

Then she looks up at Alex and mouths the words I love you.

He smirks. "I know," he says. "I love you too, Addison."

* * *

**Sorry this got so mushy at the end, but it was time. My poor little Addex heart couldn't take any more sadness. Hope you liked it!**

**-Juli-**


	17. We Were Perfect When We Started

**Hi, this hasn't taken a ridiculously long time for me to churn out or anything. And it's not the last official chapter or anything... That, my friends, is what is known as denial. I'm sorry this took so long! But it's a long chapter! And it really is the last official chapter. I have an epilogue, and that's it!**

**I continue to own nothing.**

* * *

"So can I get an honest answer to the are you okay question now?" Victor asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

Cristina takes a deep drink of her own coffee and then a hug bite of her pastry so she can't answer. He waits patiently. "You do realize," he comments disinterestedly, "at the rate you're eating that thing, you're going to run out of excuses to not answer me here pretty quickly.

She swallows. "Hospitals suck," she pronounces.

"Okay…"

"No, seriously. They suck. I've never noticed before. But they really suck."

"Yeah. They do. Which is why I think you're kind of crazy for working in one."

"I'm not crazy."

"That's just what a crazy person would say."

She rolls her eyes. "You're impossible."

"Which is why resistance is futile," he replies, leaning forward to give the statement an air of confidentiality.

She laughs and is surprised when it doesn't come out as sarcastic as she had wanted. "And ridiculous," she continues.

"All the more reason to go out with me!"

She hides a genuine smile with a shake of her head. She's saved from further prodding by Izzie running up. "Addison's awake," she announces happily. "You weren't there when we all went to see her and I thought that maybe you hadn't heard and anyways, do you want to go see her?"

Cristina stands up quickly. She looks at Victor. "Go," he grants (as if she needed his permission?).

"I'll think about it," she announces and walks away with Izzie before he can shoot back an answer.

"What was_ that_ about?" Izzie asks.

"Nothing," Cristina answers, keeping her gaze forward.

"Cristina Yang, do you have a _date_?"

Cristina rolls her eyes again. "No. Quit being so bright and shiny. It's unnatural."

"That's Mer's phrase."

"Can we not talk?"

"Oh, you so do! This is exciting!"

They reach Addison's room and Izzie immediately announces, "Cristina has a date!"

Addison looks up and asks, "What now?" a sparkle growing in her eyes as she realizes an opportunity to focus on anything but her own problems.

Cristina groans. "You're back to being an Izzie aren't you?"

"I am_ not _an Izzie!" Addison laughs as Izzie exclaims "Hey!" at the same time.

"So who is it?" Addison asks.

"Remember the charming, slightly creepy guy?" Izzie asks.

"The one who claims to be a lawyer but turns up all the time?" Addison smirks.

"Yeah, him."

"I'm just going to sit over here since you clearly don't need me for this," Cristina grumbles, sitting in the corner with her arms crossed.

All three women feel a little more comfortable as they sense a small shift towards normal.

0ooo0

Addison looks up at the knock at her door. She freezes when she sees Mark looking tentative. "Hey," he says.

"Hi."

"You're okay?"

"I am."

"Addison-"

She holds up her hand to stop him. "Look, both of us know what we did was stupid. And we know we weren't trying to hurt anyone. But the fact is that we did. We screwed up and we hurt people. And when we screw up, we do it pretty spectacularly. So I think it's probably best if we… aren't around each other for awhile. I just want to make things okay with Alex and I can't do that if he doesn't trust me."

"I just came by to say I'm sorry. And I'm glad you're okay."

"Oh. Um, thanks."

"If not seeing me is going to help you and Alex, then I'll do it. I won't like it. You're still one of my best friends, Addie, regardless of the fact that we're messed up. But I'll do it. Just, before I go…"

"What?"

"Do you think there's any hope for me and Izzie?" His words rush out in a jumble.

"I hope so," she sighs. "But Mark, you know the only people who can actually answer that are you and Izzie."

"She won't talk to me. And she doesn't trust me."

"Well, can you blame her?" Addison asks. "Give her time."

"She talks to you!" Mark points out.

"Yeah, well, I almost died. I'm special."

Mark groans. "You're planning on milking this whole almost dying thing, aren't you?"

Addison grins. "Hell yes!"

0ooo0

Derek finds his wife sitting down in the tunnels, her arms wrapped around her knees. "Hey, Mer," he greets. She looks up and he pretends not to notice that her eyes are red and puffy. Meredith has never been a particularly pretty crier. "You kind of disappeared."

"Yeah. So?"

"So people are worried about you._ I'm_ worried about you."

"People aren't worried about me. They're worried about _Addison_, like they should be."

"Mer, that's-"

"They're blaming me, Derek. And they should be; I was driving! How am I supposed to look at Alex… at Emma?"

"Meredith, stop it," Derek commands. "No one is blaming you. You're the only one who is. Even Addison doesn't. Get up."

"No."

"Meredith, Addison wants to talk to you. Get up. You're going."

"You're being bossy. So no."

"Yeah, I think it'll be good for you. So get up."

"No, I… Derek, just no."

"Mer-"

"Derek, I said _no_!" Meredith exclaims.

He looks down and studies the floor, worried he might have pushed her a little too far. "Fine, I just thought… Addison asked to see you specifically. But I can tell her you won't go."

Meredith stares at him in silence and then huffs, "Fine. But not for you. I'm going for Addison. Not you."

Derek tamps down a grin and nods. 'Not for me. Got it."

0ooo0

"Izzie, will you please stop moving?" Shay requests. "You're giving me motion sickness."

"Why are you here again?" Izzie snaps.

"I'm not your fiancé. You can stop taking your anger out on me," Shay replies easily. "Besides. Addison's my friend too, so I have just as much right to be here as you do.'

Izzie collapses into a chair. "Sorry, I just…"

"Yeah, I know. I think we're all a little on edge. It's fine."

"So… how did you and Callie meet?" Izzie asks randomly. "I never heard. You just all of a sudden showed up. While I was gone. Replacing me…"

Shay laughs a little. "Not replacing you. Fairly sure I couldn't even if I tried."

"Yeah, I know," Izzie sighs. "It's just how it feels a little, you know?"

"Yeah, I do." There's an awkward silence before Shay starts randomly again. "I taught Callie to cook. At least, I tried to. That's how we met."

"That's so sweet!" Izzie exclaims without thinking.

"Not really," Shay confides. "I couldn't stand her at first. All she would talk about were business-y things or her boss. I was pretty sure she was the most self-centered, crazy person I'd ever met. I wanted nothing more than to hit her over the head with my frying pan. I probably would have too, if I wasn't sure her boss had some big, fancy lawyer who could kick my ass in court, even if I _could_ get the sympathy vote."

Izzie laughs. "Yeah, Callie can be kind of overbearing. So what changed?"

"A picture of Emma fell out of her purse and I asked about it because I was desperate to get her to shut up about work… Her eyes light up when she talks about you guys."

"Oh!"

"Yeah, so I asked to coffee and kept coming back for more, I guess."

"That's so sweet! Minus the frying pan thing."

"What about you and Mark?" Shay asks before thinking. "Oh, wait, um, you don't have to tell me. I-"

"He chased after Addison," Izzie answers, cutting her off. Suddenly she wants nothing more than to talk about her and Mark to someone who is little more than a stranger. "Addison came to try and get Derek back, Mark followed her. You know why she and Derek got divorced, right?"

"The sleeping with Mark thing? Yeah." Izzie winces when she hears that put so offhandedly. "Sorry," Shay apologizes. "My mom always said I lack a normal person filter. But it's true, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Izzie confirms, deciding it's nice to have someone who is so very upfront about the whole thing. Once she and Mark had gotten together and Addison and Alex were so clearly happy, the group had kind of just swept the fact that Addison had slept with every guy with whom they were currently in relationships under the rug and ignored it. It's nice to have someone just flat-out state that there is a reason for Izzie to be as upset as she is. "Well, Mark came out here to try to win her back since she was out here trying to win Derek back. But by the time she would even consider giving him the time of day, she and Alex had become really close and Mark had kind of established himself as an asshole with Alex. So Alex kind of persuaded her that she was so much better off without him. We all just assumed Alex was being jealous and protective. Well, everyone except Addie and Alex. They were the only ones who were surprised when they admitted they were in love."

"What about you and Mark?' Shay interrupts as Izzie strays from the original topic.

Izzie looks surprised—everyone always wants to hear about Meredith and Derek who have the whole Romeo and Juliet thing going for them or Addison and Alex whose story is straight out of some big-screen romance. People rarely want to hear about the mundane story of Mark Sloan and Izzie Stevens. "Alex and I used to date," Izzie starts again. "So Mark decided to ask me how to get on his good side since Addison had made it clear that she trusted Alex for whatever reason. So I said I would, mostly because I just wanted to see what would happen."

"And you fell in love?" Shay finishes.

"Not even close," Izzie smiles. "Mark got on Alex's good side, but by that point it turned out Addison was pregnant. So I guess Mark kind of just gave up on her, even though she and Alex weren't dating or anything. I guess he finally admitted to himself what we had all seen for… forever, really. He started coming to me for dating advice and stuff. Once he had me call and pretend to be his fiancée to get him out of a date. Another time, I was his mom." Izzie shakes her head and chuckles a little as she remembers those calls. "But we didn't start dating for a couple of years. He… well, actually, he was my date to Addie and Alex's wedding."

"Okay, _that's_ adorable."

"Thanks, I guess."

"So are you guys going to be okay or what?"

"I don't know," Izzie says quietly.

"Do you want to be?" Shay prods. "I mean, it must be hard."

Izzie sighs. "Just… the more I think about it, the more I realize just how much Addison is in the middle of _everything_."

"Yeah, that's a little weird."

"I mean… how am I supposed to compete with that?"

"First off, can I just say something a little off topic?"

"Sure…"

"Your entire group? Strangely incestuous."

Izzie laughs. "Yeah, I suppose so," she concedes with a smile.

"Secondly, I don't think you should be so focused on Addison. As cheesy as this is going to sound, she's his past, but you're his future. Or you could be, if you wanted to anyways. I mean, Addison and Alex seem like they're pretty much in love, all slip-ups aside."

"They are. It's not even a question," Izzie states. "They are.

"Well, then what's the issue? Because it sounds like you're pretty sure it's not Addison."

"She's not. And I don't think Mark would… At least, not really."

"Then what's the freaking problem?"

Izzie swallows. "I…"

"Izzie." Shay fixes her with a forceful and practically insulting glare.

"Okay, okay!" Izzie breaks after a moment. "I'll talk to Mark. Geez." She walks away muttering something about scary Callie clones and the coming of the apocalypse.

0ooo0

Meredith shifts awkwardly in her chair, waiting for Addison to say something. Anything, really. After whispering something in Addison's ear, Derek had left the two women alone to talk. Except they haven't been talking. At all. "Look, Addison, I'm sorry," she finally just says to get the conversation started.

"Oh, _thank God_," Addison comments in relief, sounding as if she's just letting out the breath she's been holding for a ridiculous amount of time.

"What?"

"Derek said to let you talk first and I thought I was going to die waiting for you to say something!"

"What? Derek said _you_ wanted to talk!"

"I did! I do! He just said you had something to say first."

"I don't have anything to say."

Addison flinches a little—not so much because she thinks Meredith is mad, but because she'll probably always associate that phrase with Alex slamming a door in her face. "Oh, I, uh, not like that," Meredith stammers, mistakenly assuming that Addison thinks she's upset. "I just meant that I don't have anything planned or anything. I didn't actually have anything planned to say. I just… Um…" Suddenly Meredith's resolve breaks. "I know you must hate me right now, but if you could ever start to forgive me, I just… I don't want you to hate me forever."

"Hate you? Meredith, I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"You almost _died_, Addison! I was driving and you almost died! And what if you had? What if you had died? I would have taken Emma's mom from her and I would have _destroyed_ Alex and… and did you see her face, Addison? She was so scared and Alex couldn't look at her without crying… and I can't forgive myself for that! I did that to them. If I had just waited two more seconds or-"

"Meredith, _stop it_!" Addison yells over her friend. "Stop it _right now_. I'm _fine_. I am okay and Alex and I going to be okay and I want us to be okay and we can't be okay if you're hating yourself and thinking I hate you! It was _not_ your fault and it will never_ be_ your fault. The intersection was perfectly clear when you went. I saw it. And let's not forget the fact that you were driving me to the hospital to get stitches because I _tripped_. If anything, I should be begging your forgiveness for putting you in this position at all. Now will you just come over here, give me a hug, and agree that we're both royally screwed up but that has absolutely nothing accident?"

Meredith is more than happy to oblige as she feels the weight lift from her chest so she can breathe again. "Can I do anything for you?" she offers.

"Can you go get everyone? I just want to see everybody before they head home for the night."

"Sure. Anything else?"

"Did Izzie make muffins?"

Meredith grins. "Is the sky blue?"

"I would _kill_ for a bite of one."

"Done."

* * *

**I'm kind of sad to see this story go. I liked exploring the idea that people just screw up sometimes for no good reason. It was more realistic than I'm used to and I kind of liked it. So thanks for reading and encouraging me through this little experiment! (Oh, and if you're missing Izzie and Mark- or Addison and Alex, for that matter- well, that's what an epilogue is for, isn't it?) Considering this is kind of the end, I'd really love to hear thoughts! (Although that really has nothing to do with the being an ending thing.)**

**-Juli-**


	18. I Am Folded and Unfolded and Unfolding

**Oh my goodness. This is actually done. It's finished. That's weird. And exciting. But weird. Well, I hope you enjoy it. (And, as per my dear friend Gigi's request, Addison and Alex are freaking _nauseating _in this chapter.)**

**I still own absolutely nothing.

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10 Months Later...

"Alex?" Addison asks they drive home from what feels like their four millionth counseling session. Neither one of them had wanted admit to the fact that they might need help beyond what friends could give them, but neither one had wanted to give up (well, that and Meredith, Callie, Izzie, and Shay had begged, pleaded, and threatened when it felt like they might. Cristina had been busy as of late and usually just replied that they should break up—which Addison secretly thought was reverse psychology).

"Uh-huh?" he grunts. They had been discussing Mark tonight and he's obviously in a pissy mood.

She picks at a loose thread on her sleeve. She hates that even now—ten months into her Mark Sloan hiatus, as well as that worked when he was with one of her best friends—even with her undying devotion to making her marriage work, Mark is still a sore subject, one that tends to ruin any good mood they might be in. "I know I can't fix it," she says quietly. "I know that. But I just… I want to make it go away. I want you to stop hurting. I just… Is there anything—_anything_—I can do to fix it? To make it better? Alex, I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy," he replies.

"You don't really seem like it. I mean, I've seen you happier, that's all."

"Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything."

"Yeah, see, that's what I'm not so sure of. I've been… I've been wanting to say this for a couple of years now, but the timing never seemed to work out. And I don't know how you're going to take it."

"Alex-"

"I want to have another kid," he says nervously, cutting off her speech.

Dead silence. Then "What?"

"Nothing, never mind," he replies quickly, never taking his eyes off the road. That's actually not surprising. Ever since the accident, he's almost paranoid when he drives her anywhere. For those first couple of months he had treated her like a china doll. The attitude has stopped in other parts of life, but he still flinches whenever he sees the scar on her abdomen. At first, she had refused to take her shirt off when they had sex because it upset him and made her feel repulsive. But they're starting to move past that and he's finally stopped treating her so freaking fragilely, but it doesn't seem like he'll ever be able to stop worrying when she's in a car.

"Um, I'm pretty sure it's_ not_ nothing. I'm pretty sure you just said you want another kid."

He groans.

"You've been wanting to say this for a couple years now? _Years_?"

"You just never… seemed interested. Or we were too busy. Or… there was Sloan. And the accident."

"Alex…" Addison says slowly, trying to get over the roaring in her ears.

"Never mind," he says. "Just forget it."

"No, Alex. It's just… Emma's going to be seven. That's a _big_ separation. I… I don't even know if I can still have… I mean… We never talked… I…" Addison stammers.

"Yeah, I know. It's stupid."

"No, Alex, it's _not_… I just… I love Emma more than anything. I just… I don't want to have a baby to fix things. I can't… I can't put us—put Emma—through that. I… Alex, say we do this, if we have a baby… what if..."

"What if what, Addison?" he asks when she trails off.

"We just… We love Emma so much, what if… What if we don't love the next one as much? Or… or more?"

"Addison," he says, taking her hand, but _still_ not looking away from the road. "I didn't… I don't think a baby is to fix everything. I don't. I just want to be happy… And you to be happy and us to be happy. But if you're not okay with it, it's fine. I just-"

"Alex," she interrupts him. "Let's do it."

"What?"

"I want to. I mean, assuming I still can and everything. I want this. I want to be with you and I want to do this."

"Addison, I don't want to push you into anything you're not ready for. I don't want this to be about me and making me happy."

"Alex, I want to do this for _us_. Not for me, not for you. Besides," she says shyly. "I think Emma would love to have a younger sibling."

"Addie-"

It's the first time he's called her Addie since she got out of the hospital and she feels a little flutter in the pit of her stomach. "I didn't know how badly I wanted this because I didn't think it was an option. But I do. So let's do it, Alex. Let's have a baby."

0ooo0

"Mark?" Izzie calls. "You here?"

"In the kitchen!"

Izzie frowns. "_You're_ in the kitchen? You had better be nowhere near my oven, Mark Sloan. I will not have another fire in there!"

"_One_ time!" Mark exclaims. "Just once."

She laughs. "And I'd like to keep it that way. Hence your oven ban. Hi!" she greets him, sounding surprised when he pulls her into his arms and kisses her.

"Hi," he replies.

"Mark," she says suddenly.

"Have I told you today how ridiculously sexy you are?"

"Mark."

He kisses her again instead of responding.

"Mark!"

"What?"

"Let's get married."

"Huh?"

"I want to. Let's get married. I mean, if- if you want to, that is."

"Izzie-"

"Don't say so. Please don't say no. I know what happened last time, but I'm ready now. We're ready now. At least I think we are. So you don't have to say yes, but just don't say no. Please?"

"Isobel Stevens," he smirks. "Did you just propose to me?"

"I guess I did."

"Shouldn't you be down on one knee or something?"

"Ass," she laughs. "Answer me!"

"Get down on one knee and we'll talk."

She gives him a fierce glare but lowers herself slowly to the ground. He grins and scoops her up. "Of course I'll marry you. What are you doing on the ground?"

She rolls her eyes and repeats "Ass," before leaning in and kissing him.

0ooo0

"Pick up, pick up, pick up!" Meredith exclaims.

"Hello?"

"Derek, oh, thank God."

"Meredith? What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

She laughs sheepishly when she hears his panicked voice. "Yeah. Everything fine. But I, um, I just remembered that today is Addison and Alex's anniversary."

"It is?"

"Yeah, it is. And I, um, I kind of promised we'd take Emma for the night so they could… you know."

"Have the sort of loud, passionate sex we never get to have anymore?" he fills in.

"Derek!" she mock-screams.

"It's fine," he laughs. "We can take everybody out for pizza tonight. I'll see if I can get home a little early."

"Thank you," she sighs. "I'm going to go now. I think Lizzie is waking up from her nap."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

"Oh, and Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell Addie and Alex that I fully expect them to return the favor for us at some point."

0ooo0

"Ow!" Shay exclaims as she stubs her toe on the kitchen counter. "Ow, ow, ow! Damn it!"

"What?" Callie asks.

"I just freaking broke my toe! Ow!"

Callie looks down and studies Shay's foot. "You're wearing shoes. I doubt you broke your toe, you big drama queen."

"Fine, so maybe I didn't," Shay sighs. "But my toe still freaking hurts! I can't do this anymore, Cal. I love you, but I cannot stand this apartment anymore. It's tiny and this kitchen is too damn small and the freaking kitchen counter is out to get me! I want a bigger kitchen, preferably without homicidal counters."

Callie looks at her. "Let's get a house," she announces suddenly.

"What?"

"Why not? We've been living together for almost a year now. I'm not going anywhere and I'm hoping you're not. So why not?"

"Callie-"

"Non-homicidal kitchen counters, Shay. A whole _room_ for the kitchen. Think about it."

Shay bites her lip. "Think any of the houses by everyone are for sale?"

Callie grins. "Two on their street alone."

Shay smiles back. "Let's do this."

0ooo0

"So we've been together for ten months now," Victor says.

"Uh-huh," Cristina grunts, pulling a handful of cereal out of the box and stuffing it into her mouth. "Point?"

"Well, I believe, at this point, it is customary for the couple to begin to define themselves as serious. And, as such-"

'You're not giving a closing argument. Just say what you have to say."

"We should move in together."

She's quiet for a very un-Cristina-y moment. "I'm not moving," she informs him

"So I'll move in here."

"The stuff in the bathroom stays where it is."

"Naturally."

"And you're not allowed to touch any of my medical stuff at any time ever."

"What if there's a fire and you're not home?"

She thinks about it for a second. "Grab the books and run. But that's the only circumstance."

He grins. "I find these terms satisfactory."

"You sound lawyer-y."

"I _am_ a lawyer."

"Well, it's weird. You sound like a nerd."

"I love you too, Cristina."

0ooo0

The Sunday morning brunches had picked back up after Addison had been let out of the hospital and Izzie had started running the bakery again. They are the exact same as they always used to be with one major exception—Shay now joins them. It had taken some discussion since there was a strict, though unspoken, rule that no significant others or children were allowed. But Shay's status kind of bridged significant other and friend, so they decided to make an exception for her.

"Callie and I have some news," Shay announces as they sit down. The women look at her and wait. "We're buying a house. Hopefully in the neighborhood."

There's a burst of noise as everyone rushes to express their excitement. "Congrats!" Izzie exclaims.

"Between the six of us, pretty soon we're going to own every house in the neighborhood," Addison chuckles.

"We're so going to _rule_ the Homeowners' Association," Meredith agrees.

The table falls quiet. "So Mark and I set a wedding date," Izzie proclaims. "Since we seem to be sharing exciting news."

"When?" Shay asks.

"We were thinking May 26th. Does that work for everybody?"

"Of course," Addison assures her. "We'll clear the whole week if we have to."

"You going to go running off to God knows where again?" Callie inquires.

"Nope. Never again. I'm ready this time. I figure since the idea of picking out flowers no longer makes me nauseous, it's probably a good thing."

Callie turns to Addison. "You going to kiss her fiancé again?"

"Absolutely not."

"Then it sounds like we have a wedding to plan!"

Addison turns to Cristina. "You're oddly quiet."

"No squealing."

"Huh?"

"Victor's moving in later today."

"What?" Izzie squeals.

"I _said_ no squealing!"

"Way to tell you person!" Meredith exclaims. "Geez!"

"Good for you," Addison says as she starts to hug Cristina.

"Get offa me," the Asian women says gruffly but smiles anyways. Then she turns to Meredith. "So you have any news you'd care to share with the group? Like maybe you're popping out another kid? We are heading into that time of year again."

Meredith glares. "_No_. There will be no more kids. Not if Derek likes walking upright. Five of them is bordering on complete and total insanity. But Derek and I were_ kind of_ hoping to get away for a weekend, just the two of us…"

"Alex and I will take the kids," Addison declares. It's not even an offer. "We still owe you from our anniversary last month."

"You sure? That was only a night. And Emma is a joy to have. You sure you want five little terrors for two nights?"

"Believe or not, Mer, I happen to like your little terrors, God help me."

"Besides," Callie cackles. "They actually listen to _Addison_!"

"Well, I think all of this calls for champagne," Izzie decides.

"You keep champagne in the bakery?" Meredith asks.

"You'd be surprised by how many people come in here celebrating and wanting alcohol."

"Bring it out then!" Callie exclaims joyfully.

"Um, none for me, thanks," Addison says quietly.

Everyone stops and stares at her. "No champagne?" Izzie confirms. Addison shakes her head.

"Why?" Cristina asks.

"You're not celebrating?" Callie continues the interrogation.

"No, I am, but-"

"Oh. My. God," Meredith says slowly, the realization dawning on her.

"Are you_ pregnant_?" Shay cries.

Addison ducks her head, trying to hide her smile.

"Oh my God, you so are!" Izzie screams.

Addison looks up and allows the grin to take over her face. "I only found out last week. And I only told Alex yesterday, so…"

"Holy crap," Callie says. "You're having a baby!"

"And you're actually married this time!" Cristina laughs. Everyone joins suit. They wouldn't be friends if they couldn't tease each other.

"I am so excited for you!" Izzie squeals.

"Again with the squealing," Cristina groans.

"How come nobody ever got this excited when I was pregnant?" Meredith questions.

"The first couple of times we were too busy trying to get you to calm down," Izzie explains.

"And by the time you stopped freaking out," Cristina finishes, "you being pregnant was kind of a fact of life."

"I resent that," Meredith laughs.

"I'm going to get the champagne," Izzie announces. "We have a ridiculous amount of toasting to do! And apple juice for the lady who won't be drinking for the next nine months!"

"Oh, don't remind me," Addison groans. Then the world goes black.

"Guess who," a voice commands in her ear.

"Alex, get your hands off of my eyes. Be nicer to the woman carrying your child."

"That was too easy," he complains, uncovering her eyes and kissing her.

"You think I don't recognize your voice?" she grins. "Because I do."

"So I take it you told them."

"Yes, I did. Now what are you doing here? You know this is a no boy zone!"

"Dropped by after dropping Emma off at the Tyler's. So can I get an exception just for this once?"

"I don't know…" Addison smiles. "You might have to renounce your manhood."

"Never."

"He can stay," Izzie pronounces. "Just this once. But only because I'm in such a good mood."

"Good." Everybody turns around to find Derek, Mark, and Victor standing there. "Because we're here too," Derek states. "The kids are at the Keller's."

"You party crashers," Callie laughs.

"So can we stay."

Izzie sighs. "I guess. But don't think this is going to become permanent. Starting next week, it's back to being a girls only club. We don't want your cooties."

The men pull up more chairs and sit down at the table.

"You planned this, didn't you?" Addison murmurs to Alex, narrowing her eyes.

"Had to see what you girls do without us," Alex shrugs.

"Busybody," Addison giggles. Then she grins. "We're having a baby."

"We are."

"I love you, Alex," she whispers.

"And don't you forget it," he replies easily.

"I won't. Ever." He kisses her again and then they return their attention to their friends.

Ten people sit around the bakery's table, talking, laughing, and stealing food from each other. Ten people, five happy couples sitting side by side. Ten people, five couples, but only one family.

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**Yeah, it got sappy at the end. But this has been such an angsty story that I figured a little cheese won't hurt anybody!**

**I would be lying if I said I didn't want reviews. Or that I'd love to see the review count hit 100. But either way, thanks for reading! It's been some good times.**

**Until Next Time,**

**-Juli-**


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